Joy's blog

Why does hypnosis work so well?

2012-02-18T04:59:00.000-08:00

It's a question often asked, and I am not entirely sure I really know the answer. I just know that clients having hypnosis do seem to make quick recoveries.Whether it is the fact that people learn how to relax really well and feel more confident because of that is one way of thinking. Or whether the unconscious mind accepts new suggestions doesn't really matter that much. We just know that hypnosis does help people to deal with things more easily. They realise that the things they have been worrying about don't appear such a big deal.People who are looking to increase their confidence notice that they do things with less conscious thought. This becomes normal way of behaving after a short while.Hypnosis works quickly and effectively, and its good to know that we can make positive changes really quickly

Getting over past friendships

2012-02-18T04:17:00.001-08:00

Most people like to hold on to friendships. Maybe because they don't like to admit failure, or because they have to think about what went wrong and if it was their fault.Here are a few ideas to help you to come to terms with relationships that no longer work.Does the friendship leave you feeling energised or drained?Do you feel that the friend let you down or you let them down often?Do you feel that you give far more than they do for you?Have you often said that you wonder why you keep the relationship going?Are you able to communicate with them just as you would like to?Some friendships have a sell by date. It is normal for them and you to move on. We keep on changing our beliefs and values, so therefore you may begin to think differently and therefore the friend may not agree with your new beliefs.If someone has behaved really badly towards you, are you always hoping that they will go back to the way they were behaving before? If so, you are in for disappointment because they are probably not going to return to how they felt before.There is little consolation in remembering what you have done for the friend, either with gifts or emotional support. Just remember the person with all the good things they did in the past and then let them go. As soon as you do this and stop being bitter or angry you will feel better inside. You will get a softer feeling inside and then feel more comfortable. Keep doing this until you no longer feel angry or upset.Next, think about the friends you do have. It is time to nurture them and be glad of them. Concentrate on them and be happy that you have some people in your life that do care for you.Some friendships are meant for life, others are like ships that pass in the night. No matter what has happened, you will have learned from them in some way.Good friendships are like stars. You can't always see them but you know that they are there.

Quick way to learn how to relax!

2012-02-14T07:26:00.000-08:00

If you can spare a few moments to read this, you may also be able to spare a few more moments to do some deep breathing.Some people think that deep breathing is not that beneficial to reduce stress and can't be bothered to do this. Why? Because it is too simple, but spending just five or more minutes per day doing some really deep breathing can reduce stress enormously.The next blog tells you how to breathe properly.No matter how busy some people are, they will endeavor to find time to de-stress themselves daily. Stress is one of the largest causes of illness. It weakens our immune system and leads the way for infections and diseases to take hold. You only have to see stressed people who appear to constantly ill or are quick to pick up viruses or don't shake them off quickly. Our immune system is meant to shake off disease and viruses but not if it is compromised.Here is what you do, and if you do this every day for a week you will notice the difference in how you are feeling. It will also reduce your blood pressure.Lie down or sit comfortably with as little distractions as possible. Close your eyes and take a nice slow deep breath in as if you are swallowing the breath. Do this through your nostrils NOT through your mouth. Do not hold the breath, but let it creep out slowly. You should almost hear is hissing out. Get into a rhythm of breathing in and out gently, and easily. Ideally you should be breathing in and out less than ten times per minute. Do this for as long as you have time. Even five minutes per day is good. Happy Breathing!

Earn loads of money!!!

2012-02-07T01:33:00.000-08:00

It never fails to amaze me how some training providers lure people in with the promise of making huge amounts of money. I have heard many stories over the years. One person told me that he paid a huge amount of money to make wills for people. He was promised leads etc etc, but nothing materialised. He lost £12,000. He said he could afford to lose the money but there were people who had borrowed or put in on their credit card and with nothing to show for it. We often hear about multi level marketing and someone says they have three holidays per year, drive an Aston Martin etc etc. Maybe if you get in on the ground level perhaps, but selling door to door is never going to buy you and Aston Martin. Well if it does, let me know!

When I began to train seven years ago, I made a promise to myself that I would never lure students in with the promise of making huge amounts of money. I believe it is unethical, and it shatters peoples dreams when they find it just does not happen that way. Most people looking to change their career and become a hypnotherapist want to do it because they have a genuine passion about helping people. If anyone honestly believes that straight after training they are going to be making large amounts of money are deluding themselves. Perhaps they are sold a dream by the training provider. It just isn't fair to make people believe success is just around the corner.
Training providers are doing just that. providing you with some skills. They are in business. To make it work for you, there is even more hard work round the corner when you have qualified.

I have been in practice for 12 years and training hypnotherapy and NLP for seven years. I like to think I am quite successful now as many people are aware of me and I get many referrals from GPs and other professionals. When I first began my career, I knew no one, no one knew me. I was working from home, and during those first few years I slogged my way through networking early morning breakfasts, speaking at groups, talking to anyone and everyone who may have been interested in hypnosis. I spoke on radio Norfolk and managed to get some good articles in the newspapers. All that hard work paid off and I became busier and more successful. I also spent a lot more money on good quality training. Real accreditation that meant something to me and others.

I still have ongoing training to keep me in touch with what is happening in the therapy world. I am also a trained life and business coach and have worked hard gaining a level five accreditation for the Institute of Leadership and Management.

So this gives you some idea of the work you have to do to become a good quality therapist. Someone I interviewed once for my course said that he could no longer do manual work and thought that being a therapist was a doddle. Just to sit there and earn £60 must be easy he said. I wondered what planet he was from and quickly talked him out of doing one of my courses. He may well have joined a course from the providers who would totally agree with him and that yes he could earn that money just sitting there doing nothing. I doubt it though as I never see his name on Google or in yellow Pages. That is the sad truth, most people who have that deluded dream never make it and then they have lost all that money. If you are reading this because you are looking for a career in hypnotherapy, and have a genuine desire to help people and are passionate about working with all kinds of different people with all kinds of different problems, then come and talk to us. If you just want to make money, then go to the others. They will be happy to take your money off you.

BM

2012-01-29T06:19:00.000-08:00

Before BM means before mobiles. Whatever did we do before we had them? I was thinking about when you arrange to meet someone and they or you are late. Now it is easy to text or BBM saying you are running late. There must have been so much stress before mobiles as you had no way of contacting them, and you would go through the routine of wondering if you had the right time and place, or day!

Of course the downside is if you have a mobile, you are too easy contactable, unless you switch it off which I keep reminding myself to do.

Stress stress and even more stress

2012-01-29T04:25:00.000-08:00

Chicken soup for the soul? Less stress is even better. It is not easy to quantify just how damaging stress is for the body and mind, but now even leading heart surgeons are saying that stress is a major contributor of heart disease.

If you answer yes to these questions, then you are stressed, but it does not mean you are ALWAYS stressed. It could be you are stressed now, and then shake it off quickly. It is not the stress we feel, it is how long we continue to be stressed. That is what causes the most damage to our mind and body.

1 Do you wake up with an uncomfortable feeling in your body, like a nervousness?

2 Do you constantly worry what other people think of you?

3 Do you go over conversations you have had with people, and worrying about what you might have said or not said?

4 Do you find it difficult to go to sleep, or wake up after a few hours with your heart and mind racing away?

5 Do you feel as though you have lost your spark or zest for life?

6 Do you wish that you could just stay in bed and not have to face life with all the problems you have?

7 Do you keep saying 'what if this happens, what if that happens'?

8 Do you often feel as though you have the weight of the world on your shoulders?

9 Are you a half empty glass most times?

10 Do you find yourself going over and over problems but getting nowhere?

If you have answered yes to half or more, you are experiencing long term stress. Especially if this is happening longer than a week. Most people feel stress, but it is how you deal with it. Cave men felt stressed when tackling woolly mammoths and other scary creatures, but then calmed down when the chase was over, and maybe even felt great when they won and the family had meat to eat. Our bodies are well equipped to deal with stress, and now the woolly mammoth could be the boss, a car coming towards you, but the feeling is the same. Survive and you live to fight another day.

The good news is that you don't have to put up with stress for too long. Learning how to relax, and learning how to run your mind even better are the first steps in being in control

New Year new promises

2012-01-13T05:31:00.000-08:00

Many of us make promises to ourselves at New Year. It might be about our health or weight, or wanting to give up bad habits. Usually we are at our most motivated to want to do something about it, but when push comes to shove, we lack the real stamina and motivation that we need to keep going with our resolutions. I wonder what it means to you to resolve something. Resolve to stop smoking, drinking too much, eating too much? Resolve to make our life better in some way?

I start off at this time of year thinking of all the things I would like to do that creates well-being and happiness. It might be something as simple like going on the Broads on my little boat, or making even more time to be with people I really love being with.

If I was given a wish list and was told I could only have one thing, I am sure it would have to be being with friends and family I love and who love me. That means wanting to be in their company, laughing with them and just feeling relaxed inside. I think you can always tell if that is the case when you leave them and notice if you feel relaxed and calm inside. If you can't wait to get away from them to discuss them, then they are not really friends. Families often have terrible times during Christmas, and I hear people saying they wonder why they bother with them. There are two sides to this debate. One part is that they are family and the old saying blood is thicker than water. The other side is would we want to spend times with those people if they were so called friends? I really do like the saying you can pick your friends but not your family. Families don't always get on and have the same beliefs and values, and so I wonder why we try our best to get on with people whose beliefs and values are not at all like ours. I think it takes some courage to let go of some people and find people who truly respect us for who we are and we respect them too. I use this saying often to clients. ' We were not put into this world to live up to other peoples expectations and neither were they. We do expect a lot from families, probably more than friends, and when they don't live up to our expectations we feel let down. I learned many years ago to let go of wanting to control situations and wanting people to live up to my expectations. Sometimes I find myself falling into that trap of doing just that, and then a little voice inside my head tells me to STOP, and just let it go. I do though, often feel sad when clients tell me that they have given up on their parents. Unless a parent is truly physically or mentally cruel to you, and then you would have the right to choose not to be with them if they continued that behaviour, then not expecting them to be perfect or do what you want them to do or be is an easier way to deal with family. I do recall my mother telling me that I was to wait until I was a mother before criticising her, and it took me a long time to realise how right she was. No parent is given a manual when they have children. They just do the best they can with the resources they have at that time. And, no matter how much we say we will be different with our children, we can still be blamed for many things. Your parents won't always be around, and regret is hard to live with.

Addictions and Compulsions

2011-11-16T09:27:00.000-08:00

I am writing a programme that will help anyone working with addictions or compulsions. It will take the form of six stages of recovery, and although six sessions may not be enough for some people,many people will gain a great deal of benefit from the therapy.

Addictions and compulsions are very different to habits because a habit can be broken by choice, whereas an addiction or compulsion has a psychological and physical aspect to it.

Watch the web site as this programme will be useful for hypnotherapists, anyone working with people who are addicted to substances or drugs, self harming, OCD and any other kind of addiction or compulsion.

As a therapist or counsellor in this field, you will need to verify where and who you are working with before completing this programme.

For clients who are looking for a practitioner, soon you will be able to find a list of practitioners or call, or email me for furthre details.

Motivation

2011-10-30T01:59:00.000-07:00

On a theme of motivation, I have a nice story to tell.

A client asked me to help him lose weight. He said he was more than 3 stones overweight and only in his later twenties. he had lost weight in the past and then regained it quickly. He needed to know how to stay motivated. he had his wedding coming up but realised that he would like to continue staying motivated to be slim. I discussed exercise and he half heartedly informed me that he had a bike, but the weather was not good to ride it to work. He did say he had gone to work by bike and felt physically sick after two miles!!

We worked together to first of all eat smaller portions and then stop eating in between meals at work. A short time went by and his motivation was not at full strength. I thought maybe he would not continue to lose weight and then I did not see him for a couple of months or so. When I saw him he had lost more than a stone and was looking good. Again I did not see him for some time, and then it was passing by his place of work. I really did not recognise this younger, slimmer gorgeous looking guy, but it was him. he told me he had not only been cycling for miles, but also running and swimming. And this was the person who felt sick after two miles on his bike!

Now just over a year later, he looked great for his wedding, but is now cycling over a hundred miles at a time, has done some marathons and triathlons. For those of you who are not too sure what they are as I was, it is swimming 2 miles usually in open sea, getting out of the water and straight onto a bike for 16 miles and then running 4 miles. It is tiring just thinking about that.

I saw him the other day and he has entered an Iron Man which is about ten times harder than triathlon. He said he was inspiring others to get fit, even someone who had had a heart attack and was struggling to walk to the end of the road. He told him his story, and the man was inspired and now does three miles walking each day.

This young client of mine is a true inspiration to everyone out there who thinks they cannot get fit. Now, when doing my best to walk 40 minutes each day with my dog Ruby, I stop complaining and think of my client.

I wish he would tell his story to as many other people as possible.

Hypnotension

2011-10-30T01:51:00.000-07:00

I have just completed a course to help people reduce their blood pressure. Over 90% of people have what is termed as essential hypertension, which means essentially doctors do not know why the blood pressure is raised constantly. Most times medication can be effective in reducing it, but as with any drug, the side effects can be unpleasant and long term which can include dry cough and sexual dysfunctions.

Doctors do like to advise their patients to make some lifestyle changes which would include diet and exercise, but it is not always easy to instantly make changes unless you are motivated. It would appear that a huge amount of Americans over the age of 50 take medication for hypertension and Statins to reduce cholesterol. Stains is now being researched even more and the conclusions are not so good. Of course GPs will say the effects of Stains outweigh the risks of a stroke if your cholesterol is too high, but lifestyle changes can also be of more benefit.

Reducing stress is a valuable tool in the reduction of high BP, and Hypnotension can help with reducing stress and making necessary changes that have less risk

Confidence

2011-10-18T01:16:00.001-07:00

How do you know when you lack confidence? It would be perfectly normal to be less than confident if you are doing something for the first time, but it is not always acceptable to constantly feel you lack confidence. and yet, you probably go through the day showing confidence in many areas of your life. The ability to get up, wash, dress and perhaps go to work takes confidence. It takes confidence to seek help for problems you cannot overcome yourself.

When people report they have less confidence than they would like, it usually means that the things they would like to be even more confident with are not obvious, or they get feelings in their body that make them feel nervous, and then the interpretation is they lack confidence.

Excitement can often be confused with anxiety or lack of confidence. If you were to do some sky diving, I feel sure you would probably experience, fear, anxiety, and for some excitement. That same adrenalin rush would go through your body.

So how do you become more confident? Changing the way you think for a start helps. New thought patterns create new behaviours, and we can learn by practicing how we speak to ourselves. You will probably find if you think you lack confidence, that you often speak negatively to yourself. You can even notice the difference when you speak positively t yourself how the feelings in your body change.

Training

2011-10-17T08:42:00.000-07:00

Most weekends I am training, either hypnotherapy, NLP or Coaching. I like the difference between seeing clients one to one for therapy and then training. Training lets me know how much I do now and have learned over the last eleven years. I enjoy watching people progress and make changes in their lives too as they go through the courses.

Do you have compulsion problems?

2011-10-17T08:36:00.000-07:00

Any addiction is a compulsion. We feel compelled to do the habit and even though we want to stop, we find it difficult to do so.

Compulsions can be anything from drinking too much, drugs smoking, too much eating, obsessive compulsions, touching things counting, tidying etc etc. Compulsively having the need to pull your hair or eyebrows out, or twisting it, always feeling the need to check things over and over, making yourself sick. The list is exhaustive, but if you are doing anything with a compulsively and you cannot stop it, then the good news is that help is at hand. Hypnotherapy and NLP can help you to reprogramme your mind.

There are many forms of help, but hypnosis and NLP tends to be the fastest and quicker root. Emotional Freedom Technique also helps to free the mind so that you can think more clearly.

When forgiveness is possible, it can heal major pain

2011-10-16T12:10:00.000-07:00

That was a quote from Dr David Hamilton's book 'Why Kindness Is Good For You'.

Being kind to others makes us feel good, and so it is a two way approach. You show kindness for others and you feel the benefit of that kindness too. Forgiving people is also a kindness to them and to others. It would appear that many people these days and not prepared to forgive and prefer to keep anger and resentment going on rather than forgive and let go. Forgiving does not mean saying that the person who wronged you in some way gets away with treating you badly, but it can mean that you forgive yourself at the same time because all relationships are two way, and we must learn to take responsibility for any breakdown in relationship.

There are not many people who have not be betrayed at some time in their life. Someone who you trusted and thought they really cared or loved you, then to find out they have betrayed you in some way, or are not prepared to do their best to repair the relationship. I feel sad when family relationships break up, particularly for mothers who find that they have done their very best to raise their children with the resources they have, only to find they have been dumped almost without another thought, and often for the most ridiculous of reasons. Maybe both sides are not willing to communicate and sort things out. Thousands of years ago we lived in tribes and new each other well. Now we become more distanced away from family. I have seen many very old people in homes with no visitors, even though there are family somewhere out there.

Do you need to forgive someone, and perhaps need to forgive yourself so that you can release anger and resentment and bitterness. That kind of thinking leads to illness both psychologically and physically. Here are some tips that David Hamilton suggests we use to help us forgive:

Learn about how forgiveness is good for your mental and emotional health

Ask yourself if it is doing you any good holding on to grudges

Remind yourself that forgiveness is an act of kindness towards yourself

Make a determined decision to forgive

Take a deep breath when you find yourself dwelling on your past and move on

Realise that you have hurt people in the past which then gives you a different perspective so that you can step into the other persons shoes and see it from their point of view

My own view and experience in my career as a therapist is that forgiveness releases us and gives us emotional freedom. Either we can repair relationships with a different understanding, or move on and make other relationships worthwhile.

Value the good relationships you do have. Nurture them and make sure you patch up any misunderstandings quickly.

Remember too, that if you have fallen out with parents and you have children, it may happen to you at some time in the future and then you will suffer as much as parents do when they are estranged by their children. Parents make mistakes all the time, and provided it is not physical or mental abuse, we may be able to repair the bonds, and if we cannot, we can forgive and move on.

Therapy, Coaching?

2011-10-02T00:32:00.001-07:00

I often have to wear different hats when seeing clients. Do they need counselling, or hypnosis? Or would coaching be more suitable?

Some people don't really know the difference, and its not a bad thing to be aware of what you may be need that will be more beneficial. I love hypnosis, apart from the fact it makes you feel good, it does help to change unconscious thought patterns. Some people do get great benefit from talking though, and it can be really cathartic to get off your chest all that has been bothering you, especially if you bottle things up.

Coaching though, helps you to become much more resourceful, you are finding out all your potential.

I am training two courses of coaching at the moment, and its fun. One course is in the corporate sector, the other is for individuals to use coaching either at work or within the therapeutic environment. Both course are great fun to train, and I get a great deal out of the courses myself.

In the corporate market, employees feel valued when the company brings a coach in, or trains senior management in coaching skills. One of those skills is how to present feedback during appraisals. Most people do not like having an appraisal, nor do does the appraiser, but by giving it in a way that is most beneficial can help enormously. We call it the sandwich effect. If someone tells us we have done something good, but then follows it with something bad, all we can think of is the bad thing we have done. Funny how we can make ourselves feel bad isn't it?

In the sandwich effect, we begin by telling the employee what has gone well, followed by what could be even better, and then ending the sandwich with something good again.

The 'even better if' or EBI has a very positive effect. Imagine when you were at school and the teacher said, 'You have done that well very well, and it might be even better if you could take more time to correct your spelling next time'. By saying it this way you don't dwell too much on what was not so good, but are determined that next time you will pay more attention to spelling. Sounds too simple? Well it really works with people, and I just wish some of my bosses in the past had be aware of EBIs

Healing

2011-10-02T00:32:00.000-07:00

My hypnotherapy group have been very fortunate this weekend to have Mark Barber come to speak to us about well-being and our immune system. Mark is a Naturopathic practitioner, and has a clinic in Blofield Norwich called Willow Farm Clinic.

Now I could listen to Mark forever as he is so knowledgeable and has an amazing way of delivering training. My students were thrilled to hear him speak and were so busy writing notes and listening and watching, they could not get enough of it.

Mark spoke at length about our adrenal glands and how if they are out of balance in any way we can have a variety of symptoms presenting themselves. Oh how I wish all GPs were like Mark, and I know that I would prefer to consult Mark and treat myself more naturally than taking drugs which produce horrible side effects. I must be clear and say that I would take drugs if my life was threatened in some way, but I prefer to seek more natural remedies, although Mark was also keen to point out that not all natural remedies are safe and can also have side effects. I think we were all in agreement that drug companies make billions each year from the likes of us who trust our GPs to give us drugs that will 'cure' us. I do my best not to get angry that the drugs companies forced the government to stock pile Swine flu vaccinations, and no doubt this year or towards the end will frighten us into believing we need to get vaccinated again, and give us the vaccines that are nearly at their sell by date.

Back to something far more positive though, and that is how Mark is able to get across some technical information in such a way that is easily understood. It led the way for the rest of the day to discuss how as therapists we can help our clients to deal with pain, and undiagnosed conditions. When it comes to something like IBS, we agreed with Mark that really it is not a condition but a symptom of an irritated bowel and we must look for the cause of what is making it irritated.

For me as a trainer, I would have preferred to let Mark run the whole weekend and me be a student, but as his time is so precious, we had to let him go.

Thank you Mark from us all xxxx

Depression

2011-09-28T05:26:00.000-07:00

I don't really know how other bloggers keep up with their blogs. I do my best to keep up with emails, and texts, and then forget about blogging.

Suddenly though, I think of something that might be interesting to others. I have read other peoples tweets and blogs and am not entirely sure I want to know when someone is tiling, or grouting, or even watching a TV programme. I am interested in other peoples behaviour though.

Even though it is very warm and sunny, which often makes people feel happier, there are people who feel so depressed, the weather makes no difference to them. To date in my career, I have yet to meet someone who said they instantly became depressed overnight, that everything had been fine in their life before the onset of depression.

We all have down days, and we can't really call this depression, just a day when you don't feel so good, you have lost a bit of zest. Depression can last a long time, so if you have been feeling down and miserable for more than 3 to 4 weeks, then you could say you are experiencing depression. You may not be sleeping well, or eating well, or even over eating. Nothing makes you feel motivated, and you have to push yourself to do the most simple of tasks.

Drugs can work well in combination with therapy, because drugs never get to the root cause of what makes you feel so down. You need to understand what is happening and what experiences you have had that could be the cause of it. There are many therapies to experience, and if at first you don' succeed try someone else or another kind of therapy. Finding the right therapist for you can also be daunting, especially if you can't be bothered talking. Just trust your instincts, and listen to what the therapist says before making any appointment. Many offer a free consultation and it is their way of gaining good rapport with you so you will return. This can be really beneficial for you, again especially if you have not been recommended to the therapist.

Hypnosis is not a quick fix as many people would like to believe. I wish it was, but you have to be patient, if you have anxiety or depression. Hypnosis does make you feel calm and relaxed and a build up of hypnosis allows you to change the perceptions you have of the world.

Hypnoband therapy

2011-08-23T10:52:00.000-07:00

There has been a flurry of activity regarding a Tv programme that showed the power of the mind in being able to reduce the size of your stomach just as if you had actually had a gastric band. This idea has been around for a long time, but has been promoted by the media. It works if you want it to, but it is important to note that if you have emotional problems, then they have to be dealt with first, and then you are ready to make positive changes in the way you think, then it will work well for you.

Nothing is 100% guaranteed, but for the majority of people it can work. What you must be prepared to do is to change your eating habits and lifestyle. Just like a real gastric band, it does not solve all your problems with food.

I like my clients to become empowered by their own behavioural changes, so they no longer need someone to tell them what to eat and when to eat. You take charge of the discipline of your own life.

I won't tell you what to eat, or how much to eat, not give you any diets to follow or weigh you. That is for a slimming club to do with you, but I like to believe that you will take charge of your own life and have no need to be weighed by someone else. For many years slimming clubs have wielded that discipline, I used to run my own slimming club so I know how afraid people are of the scales when someone else weighs them. How much nice will it be for you to take action and take charge of your own life. Through hypnosis you will learn how to do this, eating less and increasing your metabolic rate ?

Toxic people

2011-08-10T04:21:00.000-07:00

Have you ever thought of some people being toxic? you may feel as if you are being poisoned by their attitude, and they leave you with an unpleasant feeling, or maybe being drained by them.

Sadly some people can have a really negative effect on us, and it can take time to re-charge ourselves once we have been in their company. What do you do about it, especially if it is a relative, close friend or even a boss? In the case of relatives or friends, it may be that you can distance yourself from them a little, or just see them for short periods of time. With a boss it may be more difficult unless you quit your job, as you may have to see your boss each day. What are the usual causes of people being toxic towards you?

Being negative about everything you do or achieve

Finding more faults with you than positive attributes

Intuitively knowing they don't share your successes, and they look positively miffed when you are successful

Only really showing support when you are going through rough patches (this may be because it makes them feel better about their own lives)

You need to de-toxify yourself! You can't take medicine or drink lots of water, as it will not make these people go away or diminish their effect on you.

What you can do is this:

Have a more positive belief about yourself

Surround yourself with positive people who you know genuinely care about you and encourage you

Build an imaginary glass screen around yourself when you are in their company. never allow their negativity get through this screen. Keep it all outside of you, so that you never internalise their negativity.

Sometimes, if possible, it is better to cast these people adrift and concentrate on the positive people in your life

Training

2011-07-10T11:48:00.000-07:00

As with all training, you pay for what you get. When I decided to train in hypnosis and NLP, I found the best there was. I had to go to London, and it cost me far more money than if I had trained with providers nearer home. I had the philosophy that if I went to see a therapist, I would want to know they had trained well. That was ten years ago, and I still continue to train as any good therapist would want continued development.

It worries me when I see courses that are misleading, and aim to rush people through this extensive and intensive training. It takes time to develop into a therapist, you simply cannot do it fast. Any therapist needs time to be able to simulate all the information, and there is a great deal of information to be learned. I think the great hypnotherapists from the last century would turn in their graves if they knew people were selling training that was quick and fast. It also worries me that anyone would think they could know everything about hypnosis and NLP in a short time. I have been in practice for ten years and still I am learning. It took time for me to train in any Master techniques, I would have been so worried to call myself a Master at anything when I first qualified. It is like calling a newly qualified doctor a consultant.

To be a trainer, you have to go through the necessary courses, and take exams. I see newly qualified students all the time who have little confidence to be able to successfully treat clients and when I discuss NLP with them they have little idea of what it is really about.

You can rest assured that either myself or any of my qualified therapists that I personally recommend to you have been personally trained by me. Always ask questions when considering therapy. If it does not sound right, do not allow yourself to be treated. if considering hypnosis as a career, take even more time to ask questions. Find out as much as you can about the trainers. Any good trainer will be more than happy to have any searching questions answered. As a professional I only want the best for my clients and students.

Can hypnosis help me?

2011-06-20T02:41:00.000-07:00

Most days I receive calls from people asking if I can help them in some way.They are usually surprised when I tell them that at least 75% of clients come with some kind of anxiety. The word anxiety covers a whole list of problems such as weight control, smoking, drug or alcohol abuse, in fact any kind of compulsion. It also covers presentation nerves, interview nerves, coping with difficulties in work or at home with relationships, phobias, and depression. I am sure I have not covered everything that anxiety presents, but if you have negative feelings about yourself, or uncomfortable feelings in your body at times, then you have anxiety. Acute anxiety is when you are experiencing panic attacks, and is most unpleasant for the sufferer.

Hypnosis and the techniques we use within hypnosis helps all these kinds of problems, and often very quickly. There is no such thing as a quick fix though as we often have problems that come up from time to time, but if you can find a way of dealing with them without long periods of time in therapy, then you should go for it.

I was speaking on radio Norfolk the other week about well trained therapists, and there was a consultant surgeon on who was advocating hypnosis and stating that it should certainly be used in cognitive behavoural therapies and psychotherapy. It would appear that hypnosis could soon be the buzz word in therapy and about time too. Of course quite naturally I am biased, but I have see what hypnosis does and how it helps people successfully. I was really pleased to hear this surgeon saying such good things about hypnosis, and even though the presenter discussed stage hypnosis as they often do, it still did not detract from the professionalism of hypnosis.

Compassion

2011-04-28T02:23:00.000-07:00

How compassionate are you with yourself? Do you regularly criticise yourself? Would you openly criticise a friend they way you do with yourself?

We often talk about wanting greater self esteem, but what about the compassion we can feel for ourselves? Many of us will willing say that we are compassionate with other people, and yet we never think about being kinder to ourselves. We constantly criticise ourselves, compare ourselves to others, and often feel we are not good enough.

What happens if you share these thoughts with friends or relations? Hopefully you find people who are compassionate and will share your sorrows. This often makes us feel a bit better, but we can easily get into the habit of expecting others to continually make us feel better. And then if we keep on moaning for too long, those friends or relatives get fed up with hearing the same old same old.

Imagine for a moment that you are talking to yourself but in a kind way. As if you are having a two way conversation. Be compassionate when talking to yourself, even if you have to pretend to be. We can be kind and considerate to ourselves, and then notice the difference. Learn to stop beating yourself up too much. It never works, it only makes you feel worse than ever. Have a go at doing something different for a change. Set up a no such thing as failure option in your mind. If you get something wrong, stop criticising and start being kinder to yourself. If you keep telling yourself off, you get more of the same behaviours.

You can learn to laugh at yourself more often, stop taking yourself so seriously for a change. Go on, have a go and see how good it feels.

Healing weekend

2011-04-17T11:14:00.000-07:00

I have just finished some training with students on a healing weekend. We were learning how to help people who have physical or mental pain. I happened to notice that some of the students were a bit stressed themselves, so what better weekend to have to off load or just help each other. I mentioned that I was feeling a bit burnt out myself. I am so busy helping others that I forget I need to have help too. Fortunately, there are some wonderful friends and students who can help me through such times. I really do not know what I would do without them as they are extremely supportive, and of course I support them too. When you are feeling stressed, or just feeling a bit down for one reason or another, friends can be amazing. Just a little word here and there, or a phone call or an email can make all the difference. Naturally I don't remain down for too long as I have techniques I can use on myself or get someone to use them. Occasionally though you just need some words of encouragement, someone just tells you that you are okay person, and everything seems better.

Coming back from training, I felt warmed by generous thoughts and a past student sent me some healing stones. I went into my garden and did some planting for a few hours, and the smell of new lavender made me feel great. I am also a sucker for songs that have meaning. 'What have you done today to make you feel proud' is a favourite.

'Look for the hero inside yourself' brings all kinds of good thoughts and memories back.

Mothers Day

2011-04-01T09:05:00.000-07:00

To all Mothers out there, happy mothers day for Sunday the 3rd of April. When I was small and went to Sunday school, they would allow all the children to present little posies on Mothers Day. I used to be very proud, going up, being handed the flowers and then presenting them to my mother. Daughters don't always have easy relationships with their mothers and mine was no exception. She could be extremely frustrating at times, but I never gave up wanting to see her and be a part of her life.

Towards the end of her life I wanted her to continue living forever. Despite the fact she was 91, and very fragile, I could not bear to think of life without her. It was not just sentimental reasons, I think we all need our mothers. We want them to be proud of us, to give us encouragement, and just to be there for us. My mother was born in 1914, and came from an unemotional family. It was a Victorian attitude that children were seen and not heard. There were not many cuddles or kisses, and looking back through my years I can understand why she was unemotional. She revealed that she did not know how to be emotional when she was 86. I told her that it was not too late, and after that, she became the mother I always wanted her to be.

I see so many clients that have difficult relationships with their children. It is not easy to be a mother. We don't come armed with a manual. Most of us work hard at doing our best, and continue to make mistakes all the time. The best mothers do realise that, and will take responsibility if things go wrong in the relationships we have with our children. Providing we give them good beliefs and values, then whatever they do later in life is not our responsibility. Sometimes we have to let them fly the nest and go on with their life. It is not easy to do that, just to let go, and so to all daughter-in laws, remember that your mother-in law has brought up her son, and you chose him with his beliefs and values that his mother gave him. Do your very best not to be jealous, or to try to compete with her. After all, if you have a son, you too may be a mother-in-law one day.

One day your mother will not be there, so be kind to her, respect her even with all her faults. You too have faults, and hopefully she does her best not to point them out to you too often. Take responsibility if things go wrong with your relationship with her. If you think things are all her problem, then you need some help to see things from a different perspective. Not all mothers are good to their children though, but unless she has done something so horrific to you or your own family, then forgive. To those sons who have partners who do not get on with your mother, do your best to be the peacemaker. Ask your partner about her insecurities, and remind her that if she becomes a mother, she will may not be liked by her children's partners.

When they have died, you always want to say so many things that you did not say when they were alive. Say them now whilst they are alive. Tell them good things that they want to hear. Make them feel special. They made you feel special when you were born.

To those mothers who have no contact with their children, I am sorry. You must be heartbroken at times. Just remember the good times you did have and tell yourself that you did the best you could with the resources you had at that time.

Happy mothers day

If there is one thing you do today ...

2011-04-01T00:20:00.000-07:00

... watch this utube clip Baz Luhrmann!

Depression

2011-03-27T09:09:00.000-07:00

We can all feel depressed from time to time. Maybe a little down in the dumps, feeling sad, or things just not going well. It would be almost impossible to be very very happy all the time, and I would suspect anyone who said they were. Just reading about the people in Japan made me feel sad, and down in the dumps for a little while. Then I had to tell myself that apart from sending some money, there was little else I could do that would be useful, and so I had to get on with life. I was a little more than relieved when my son returned from Japan safely, and slept better.

Longer term depression is another thing. It rarely strikes for no reason at all, and whilst the medical profession will continue to believe that the feel good chemicals in our brain are reduced, I will continue to ask what caused them to reduce. A little depression means that at times you feel down but can easily be encouraged or encourage yourself to cheer up. The latter is much better than the former though, because if people have to keep cheering you up, you could become dependent on that. Serious depression causes you to feel that you don't want to get up in the morning, or can't be bothered to wash and get dressed. Nothing cheers you up, maybe not even a lottery win! It may solve some financial problems but it would not stop negative thoughts continuing. People often have suicidal thoughts, life is not worth living, and perhaps everyone would be better off without them. A large does of self pity goes on at these moments. It is hoped that anyone suffering so badly like this would seek help from their GP and have therapy at the same time.

Depression through grief is normal. If there is a loss, whether it it because the person has died, or has disappeared from their life, it is normal to grieve, and medication does not help if you are wishing the person was still around. We can give ourselves the time to have some self pity, and then be strong and get on with life. Someone very special to me has a mantra.' Every second you dwell on the past, you steal from the future'.

The past has gone and we cannot change it, the future is ahead and we can make plans to make it better. Now is the time to enjoy what you have. Count your blessings from time to time. Give some thought to others who have lost their way for some reason, and those that are suffering, mentally or physically.

Forgiveness

2011-03-21T01:44:00.000-07:00

Forgiveness is a highly emotive word. For some people they may think if they forgive someone, it could appear that they are excusing their behaviour.

If you think about anyone that has done you any harm in the past either physically or mentally, do you experience uncomfortable feelings inside? This is because you have not come to terms with what has happened, and can either be feeling angry, or hurt about that situation. Some people even feel these kind of feelings many years after the event. It is more harmful to us to keep any bitter feelings inside. Forgiving though, may seem far too much for you to contemplate. You could ask yourself some questions.

Is it helpful to keep any hurt or bitterness about that person? If you did forgive them, would that mean you were allowing them to get away with what they have done to you?

Forgiveness does mean condoning bad behaviour. It can mean letting go of any hurt or bitterness for good and relieving yourself of the bad feelings you may have been carrying round with you. As mentioned previously, carrying around bad feelings causes anxiety, and then anxiety can manifest itself in many ways.

Some people prefer to have ambivalent feelings about someone, as it could mean you no longer care to think about them but when you do it means nothing to you. The fact that you have survived whatever harm that person or people have done to you, you survived it.

There is an amazing book called 'The lost Art of Forgiving', and this book concentrates on people who have been the victims of the most awful crimes done to them, but found it within themselves to forgive and move on.

If we forgive, it does not mean we have to let that person know we have forgiven them, nor does it mean we have to continue to be abused by them in any way. Abuse is not just physical harm but mental harm. The old saying 'sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me' is not true in my book. Harmful words last, and we can remember them word for word. They cannot be taken back, they become part of our memory, but we can let the feeling go for good. I have met many people who cannot forgive parents for one reason or another, and mistakingly think that when a parent dies those old hurts will end. It is not true, the hurt continues on for the rest of your life unless you are willing to do something to end the hurt. You would not only be forgiving someone else, but yourself too as you put yourself through stress each and every time to you think of that person.

We often hear of family feuds being resolved when someone is dying. Why wait till then? Too late when the person has gone.

Forgive yourself and others and experience the emotional freedom that you deserve.

Anxiety

2011-03-09T23:40:00.000-08:00

I cannot think of anyone who has never ever had some anxiety in their life. It can be a minor anxiety or a major anxiety that lasts far too long. In therapy terms we can call it the stress response, and stress is perfectly normal. We have inherited the same stress response as our ancestors who had to fight off dangerous animals to survive and eat. To hunt down large animals would take courage, but also a body response. If we need to be on full alert, that means our heart has to work harder to enable us to run if we have to. The natural chemical in our brain called adrenalin kicks in and enables this to happen. Our circulation changes and our eyesight becomes more profound. Once we have killed the Woolly Mammoth our body can return to normal. All in a day's work for primitive man.

In this century the Woolly Mammoth is the office, a supermarket, or factory. We are faced with stresses every day. Driving on the roads can seem a like a hurdle some days, or queuing in a supermarket has challenges for some of us. Just recall the last time you were in a supermarket in a hurry, and the person in front of you is slow, and only reaches for their purse when they have packed away their goods. Or something has to be returned from their goods, and you have to wait until an assistant goes to change it. Ever felt some stress at that point? For most of us we relax when it is our turn and we can leave the supermarket.

What about meetings at work or with the boss? Our stress levels can rise and perhaps stay high throughout the day, particularly if the meeting does not go well. This means our body is on alert for too long, and then we wonder why we feel a lack of energy at the end of the day, or even when we wake up in the morning! It is no wonder you feel tired if you have been fighting Woolly Mammoths for days on end.

The worst case of anxiety is a panic attack. This can happen when you are minding your own business one day and suddenly you feel hot, your heart is pounding, you may feel sick or think you are going to faint. The stress response has been triggered for some reason or another. Usually it is because you have been going through a stressful period for some time, and this panic attack is your body's way of telling you enough is enough. You usually want to respond to the anxiety attack because they are so stressful for you. They leave you feeling drained and afraid. And then of course you begin to worry about when the next one might arrive so you begin the vicious circle of being anxious about being anxious.

Learning how to relax and all the different techniques which can be used can be really helpful, and although it may take some time to get rid of those panic attacks completely, you will start to feel better. Medication can also help, but it does not deal with what is really making you stressful. Even stressful things that happened many years ago and have not been dealt with can create panic attacks much later. It often surprises people how things that have been suppressed can have a way of re-surfacing again.

Learning to relax is not easy. It takes time and effort, but well worthwhile for your health and well-being.

Anniversaries

2011-02-28T08:11:00.001-08:00

I have been married for 24 years to Robert today, and the time certainly goes by quickly. I also happened to read Terry Waites book again, 'Taken on Trust' after a gap of many years reading it for the first time. I read it with new eyes now as I have grown older and I like to think wiser, but more aware of the human mind. He was captured and kept a hostage for five whole years, and only in the last year, and last few months did he have contact with other hostages.

He kept saying to himself, no time for regrets, no sentimentality, no self-pity. These words kept him going in the darkest of hours. He was very ill at times, had an ear infection and had to wait for days to get medication. Imagine that, an ear ache and no help. It was the only thing I could identify with, not have been kept a hostage, but know what an ear ache feels like!

Imagine being away from your family and loved ones for five years. No letters, no calls, nothing to inform you if they were okay.

Although most of us are lucky enough not to have been captured or taken hostage, we sometimes are a hostage of our own mind. If you feel anxious and are not able to go out or do the things you would really like to do, your choices are taken away from you, and you are a hostage of your mind. It plays tricks on you and all the things you would like to do are no longer an option. The worst case hostage of your mind is when you become agoraphobic, and you begin to close down and stay inside. You might not be chained to a radiator as Terry Waite was, but your mind is chained up.

Compulsions

2011-02-22T01:41:00.000-08:00

I could write forever on this topic as the compulsions we have in life are never ending. The list would be too long to write, but suffice to say, if we do anything that is compelling, then we have some form of anxiety. If we have to check we have our wallet of purse or that we have turned the gas off or locked the door, this would just be a simple anxiety, and then when we have checked and are satisfied, any minor anxiety we have is dispelled. If we have to check time and time again then we have a stronger anxiety that is manifesting itself in the need to check and double check. When it gets completely out of hand we call it Obsessive Compulsion Disorder. Another label we can hang on ourselves, but basically it is stress anxiety. Most humans want a label. We are obsessed with wanting to know that reason or cause that makes us do what we do.

If you have a compulsion, then you would benefit from some therapy to help you to become a more relaxed person. Hypnosis helps you to learn how to relax and be more chilled out. Hypnosis stops you worrying about minor things in life, and it can be surprising how much calmer you become and stop worrying about little things in life.

Parents and children and conflict

2011-02-10T09:31:00.000-08:00

Since Christmas I have seen quite a few clients who are having problems with parents or parents with children. They appear to have such difficulties that are insurmountable, and yet the falling out is usually over something not that serious.

It is all about the expectations that we have about what parents should or should not do. I would agree that if any parent has been seriously abusing their child either mentally or physically, then perhaps contact should be stopped, and the same the other way round. Most times it is over an expectation that was not fulfilled. Many younger people, (and I am including people up to the age of fifty who have problems with their parents) never look at the bigger picture and evaluate what kind of upbringing they had. They seem to find a fault and then base their judgement on that fault they perceive. Most parents do their best when bringing up their kids, by giving them love and support and nurturing them. Some parents can be over critical about what their kids do with their lives, interfering when not required. Giving unsolicited advice, and generally sticking their oar in when not asked. It can be frustrating, and not an easy one to solve, other than asking them not to interfere, and having some ground rules. Most parents forget to stop becoming the protectors, and worry unnecessarily about their kids instead of getting on with their own lives.

Some kids have too much expectations from their parents, and if the parents step out of line, they come down on them like a ton of bricks. Kids can be over critical of their parents telling them what they are doing wrong. Then comes the problem when the kids find a partner that the parents do not get on with, especially when it is a son and he takes a partner. Suddenly, the son who thought a lot of his mother turns against her and takes the side of his partner, which of course would seem a normal thing to do. When confronted with these kinds of dilemma, I feel like getting the whole family together and see where the problems lay. Most of the time the problem is that each person thinks they are right. What is often missing is the respect. People are not prefect, parents do not have a manual to use when they bring children into the world. they just do their best with the resources they have at the time. Kids forget that and lose the respect for their parents. Unless a parent has done the most hideous thing, then forgiveness has to be the right way forward. Sadly, people would rather think they are right and that means they will not forgive. However, they then have to deal with losing the relationship, or bringing children into the world and then facing the same problems, by which time it might be too late to make any amends with their own parents.

How much better could it be to let go of past bitterness and see the person or people as they really are. If you are a parent, it could be that you recall the good times you had with your child, and do your best to become more approving of your children. If you are a child with a problem parent, why not become more mature, no matter what age you are, and respect your parents. If you have grown up being cared for and cherished, have some good beliefs and values and know right from wrong, then your parents deserve a pat on the back for the good work they have done. If you know how to treat other human beings with courtesy and kindness, your parents have done a good job. See the bigger picture, come down off your high moral ground and see if there is a way forward. You don't have to take all the responsibility for what has gone wrong, and neither do they. Act your age, be grown up and rise to the challenge of making things right with your family before it is too late. When your parents have gone, it is too late to make amends, and you will be the one who will suffer, whether you admit to it or not you will. be brave, bite the bullet and see if something good can come about through forgiveness. If the people or person will not accept it, then you have done your best and it is their problem.

Grey days

2011-02-09T23:47:00.000-08:00

Some people find the winter really difficult because of the grey skies. lack of sun does affect some people and they find themselves feeling quite down in the dumps.

There is evidence that these people lose those feel good chemicals in their brain, but it is also a state of mind. I wonder if those people won the lottery they would suddenly forget about grey skies! More than likely they would be booking a sunny holiday somewhere. I know I would.

We recently had a sunny day and it was almost warm enough to sit outside with a cup of tea. You do see people sitting outside in the snow, but the reason they do that is because they want to smoke. I was a smoker many years ago, but still cannot fathom out why someone would want to freeze just to have that fag. The cigarette must be very important to them.

Back to sunny days though, and a much better subject to discuss than smoking. I managed to get an hour in the garden on the sunny day this Tuesday last, and it made me think that spring really is just around the corner. I took a moment to look up at the sky and then at the trees all around, and felt very contented. Having given up reading newspapers and watching the news on TV, I have felt much better. I can see the headlines of news if I choose and keep up to date with what is going on in the world, but as much of the news can be depressing, it feels right to stop buying newspapers.

Depressed people tend to view the world as bad and nothing appears to be going well, but we know that good news does not sell papers. Depressed people also stop looking up, that is why we use that expression 'I am feeling down'.

I expect many of us feel down in the sumps at times, but if it is lasting too long, you need to seek some help. Too many people in my opinion reach for tablets too soon or expect doctors to cure them with drugs. Self help is not easy to administer. Easier to take drugs. Fortunately not everyone thinks the same way. Many people know that they have to change the way they are thinking.

Not only am I looking up at the sky in the day, I am now looking at night with an astronomical telescope, and was delighted to see a new moon with all the craters bold as you like. It is quite magical looking to the sky at night. Patrick Moore has become my new hero. I recall watching The Sky at Night and being so bored. This was many years ago and I was a pleb! Now I am fascinated with astronomy, and you can keep sexy Dr Brian Cox, I like the king of the skies, Mr Moore

Happiness set on default!

2011-02-06T06:42:00.000-08:00

Here we are with another year, and the reason why I have not kept up with the blog is because I have used any spare time to concentrate on my book which at last has been published through Blurb. This is a way of getting your book published and not having to buy tons of them to begin with. You can order one and it is printed at request. Hopefully it can go on Amazon soon! I am already writing a new book about compulsions and addictions.

A very good friend Sarah made a comment last night about us all being set on default to be happy when we are born. It really made me think a lot about that. Of course how do we learn to be unhappy? We can be uncomfortable when we are very small, but that is usually because we are hungry or wet, or in pain, but we would not be unhappy in the terms that we come to understand later in life. We have to go through experiences and situations to know what unhappiness means. Watching tribes in countries that have little understanding of the Western world, we can easily see that without all the trappings of our material world, they are happy. It would be other people in their tribe who they don't get along with that make them unhappy. Sadly, there are not that many tribes left in the world that have not been exploited in some way, and once they are, they become unhappy about many other things in their lives.

Most of the time it is people who make us feel unhappy, or that is how we perceive it, but in actual fact, it is the way we respond to others that make us unhappy. Our response in how they treat us. We like to be in control, and when others do or don't do what we expect of them, we then feel out of control. When clients tell me they are 'control freaks', and have to have things just so, I know that they are not really in control. And the way I know it is because they are usually anxious people, and if you are anxious, then you are not in control. Dealing with all of life's situations is being in control. People will never respond in the way we want them to, and if we let go of wanting them to, we are gaining control.

I know now that not everyone will agree with what I say or how I react. It is not my problem or their problem. It is just that they don't understand me or me them. We can make some people happy, but not everyone. Ask any mother that question. They are usually trying to spin all the plates at the same time and constantly failing.

A client once asked me what she should do to please her family, as she often felt she could do no right for doing wrong at times. Hoping for understanding from members of her family was not an option as they had fixed views about what they thought was right and wrong. And it seemed that they thought she was wrong a lot of the time. It was a generation thing, and often unsolvable. They say you can be closer to friends than you can with families. Perhaps it is because we don't abuse our friends or do our best not to, and maybe because we think we can get away with it with our family. If families took responsibility and each of them realised they don't always get things right, we could have more harmony and happiness.

I recently reached a good age of sixty. I don't feel any older than thirty five, but emotionally I have grown and things don't bother me the way they used to. Mellowing perhaps, or just realising that I can make myself happy. Some really good friends said some really nice things about me that I will treasure forever. It is nice if we can make a difference to others and make them happy. Finding all the good stuff in others without looking for bad stuff. Why not set your default on happiness and be nice to as many people as you can. It makes the world a different place you know.

Everything springs to life

2009-02-08T09:54:00.000-08:00

February

Have you noticed yet that the mornings are getting lighter? It is one of those signs that we get that lets us know that spring is not that far away. It is inspiring especially when we get dull dark days and think that winter will never end.

I was never a keen gardener, my mother was though and she delighted in her tiny patch that she called her garden. I was most disinterested when she talked about gardening, and it was only much later I developed an interest in it. I find it relaxing and feel motivated to want to make the best of it. When I first started I was so surprised when I saw new shoots forming in the first days of spring. It had looked as though the garden was dead, but underneath the soil, eveything was happening. It is great when everything springs to life, and despite the cold and frost, things do survive. I did have some friends living in Vermont, and they could get very little to grow after thier winters of -25. They used to envy our bulbs coming up in spring. They have moved to warmer climates of America now so can grow things more easily.

Relationships can grow as if from tiny seeds, and we need to develop them and watch them grow as we nurture them. The problems arise when we don't take care of them. Sometimes we trample on relationships and expect them to survive. Some do, but they need specialist attention to allow the relationship to grow again. Some are trampled so much that nothing would allow them to grow again.

Do you, or have you ever been trampled on? What did you do to encourage it to grow again?

Siberian winter

2009-02-01T08:33:00.000-08:00

February 1st.

Looking out through the window, it looks so cold and snowy, I am glad to be indoors, although I did consider taking the dog out for a short walk.

The more time we spend indoors in the winter, the more time we have to think. I know someone who is so caught up in what happend in the past, they think they ahve to live their life now with the same thoughts and feelings from the past. Usually we are angry because things did not go the way we wanted them to. We see and experience the world through our eyes, and through our experiences. We would like others to see it through our eyes too and through our model of the world, but seldomn they do because they have had different experiences. When couples are together they often mold into each others way, especially if the relationship is good. I think it is what my mother used to refer to as give and take. I call it being in harmony with those closest to us. Yet often the harmony is broken down, by misunderstandings, and by us and others thinking we should see things our way. We try to put old heads on young shoulders, but we all have to learn by experience. Often we can see the pitfalls that people are going to fall into, but until they can see it for themselves or experience it, they will not listen or change in any way. Sad sometimes, because we often see things happening to our kids, but there is little we can do to stop it happening, because they have yet to see it another way.

Worrying times

2009-01-25T03:50:00.000-08:00

January 25th

Some people dwell too much on their current problems. They turn them over and over in their mind and then feel thouroughly miserable.

How long do you think we should dwell on negative feelings? And it may be that some people dwell on things that have happend many years ago, and yet still they continue to create those same negative feelings that go along with them. What is more to the point is what good do they do to continue with these same kind of thoughts? they certainly don't make us feel any better, and often we are dwelling on thigns that we cannot change, or things that did not go our way, the way we would like them to. many people spend far too much of their life worrying needlessly. If something in the past happend, then it is the past and probably you cannot change it. If you are worrying about the future, then it has not yet happend. It might happen and then you could begin worrying because that may be the appropriate thing to do at that time, but what is the point of worrying over something that has not happend?

In this climate, and I don't mean the weather, more people are worrying about the future, and making themselves feel very depressed. All they can see is doom and gloom,a nd to go with them on that thought, yes we could say, what if the world ends tomorrow? Would it be facetious to say if it did none of us would have anything else to worry about? how long do you continue worrying?

A mother who worries constantly about her child will continue to worry every time they go out on thier own. her body is on constant alert thinking of all the possibilities that may happen to them. When they arrive home safe and sound, mother breathes a sigh of relief and puts of any more worrying until the next time. I am not saying dad's don't worry the same, they can do, and the principal is the same.

What would happen if you just stopped worrying, and only worried when it was necessary? Your body would not be on high alert for much of the time and you could relax a bit more.

Try this next time you begin to worry:

Let yourself think of the worry. Is there anything you can do about it right now? Do you need to talk to someone who will end the worry for you? Is it something that happned in the past or is it something about the future, a fear?

Now tell yourself that you will allow yourself to worry for about ten minutes. no more no less. Worry as hard as you can, make it worse than ever if you must. Time yourself, and then as soon as the ten minutes is up, stop worrying, put it away, sa if putting it to the back of your mind. Let it go. Remind yourself that if it is something about the past, it may be too late now to change it. If it is something about the future, wait and see what happens and then deal with it at the appropriate time. notice how much better you can feel when you do this. All those horrible feelings in your chest or stomach disappear,a nd you can get on with your day or go to sleep if you are in bed.

January is the time to think of new beginnings

2009-01-13T04:25:00.000-08:00

Is this my resolution to create more blogs, or have a just got a few spare minutes right now?

Last year as most of my years since training in hypnotherapy and NLP have been, are extremely busy, and by the time I am going to sleep at night, I just remember that I forgot to do a blog. Some people are bored with blogs, but for some it is a way of getting those thoughts down. Many successful business people use a diary, and they can reflect on the past and learn from it.

Have you ever reached a stage in your life where you think you know all you can or need to know about a subject? I don't think I will ever know all I really need to know about the human mind, or more specifically each and every human mind that I come into contact with. Although our brain is wired up the same way as others, we all think in different ways, due to experiences we have had in life. If someone is successful in life, it is fairly obvious that they are running thier brain in the way that is most useful for them. They may report that they feel at peace with the world, and even when things don't go well for them, they accept it as a natural way of life and that things will change yet again. They are optomistic people, who can usually see good happening to them in the future. They look back at the past and are aware that sometimes it did not go that well, but they got over it and moved on, because that is the only way to be, the future is what is most important to us.

Some people are stuck in the past and can be described as 'carrying baggage'. That reminds me of the time I lived in Liverpool and was going on holiday with my parents to Ireland. We were catching the ferry from Liverpool dock and the walk was considerable. My father was ill and could not carry anything heavy, and my mother did not carry heavy things, so it was left to me to carry two very heavy suitcases, or perhaps I just volunteered. For two days my arms felt as though they had been torn from the sockets, and I could barely raise my arms. I was only 12, and I am sure that if a 12 year old was seen carrying two very heavy bags today, it might get reported to social services, but such was my burden at that time.

the point is, although I can remember carrying the bags, I am not now, and my arms recovered sufficiently enough for me to carry much heavier things through my life. I like to think I am strong enough to do such things.

When will you put the bags down and let go of them and forget abot them?

Cardiac well-being

2009-01-13T04:11:00.000-08:00

High blood pressure, high cholesterol, smoking eating too many high fat foods, being overweight......the list goes on and on about how our lifestyle can affect our heart and circulatory system.

Undetected can cause significant damage, so you may be looking at ways to control your BP before embarking on medication. The fact is that doctors don't really know what causes our BP to elevate, and medication does not cure it, but does control it. Of course we need to remember that any drug will have some side effects and we need to be aware of them before taking medication. We can find out so much from the internet, but it can also scare us, but information is better than no information. If you really don't want to know what your body is doing, then you might ask yourself what you are afraid of? For some they would rather face the music than to be kept in the dark, but for others they prefer not to really know what their body is doing and put all thier trust in their doctor. It's a good thing to trsust your doctor if you have a good one, but it is also your responsibility to take care of your body in the best way. That is if you want to live to a ripe old age in a healthy way too.

The drug Statins lowers your choelsterol level, but the long term efects have not yet been established. Benecol is not a drug but comes from plant sterol and can have exactly the same effect as Statins. It may cost more but there are no side effects.

If you want a simple route, then you will be relying on drugs, but if you are reading this because you want to take responsibility for your own life, then there are many ways to reduce srtess in your life, many ways to reversing the effects of stress, and you can learn them as easily as I did.

More people are finding that hypnosis and self-hypnosis is an amazing way to reduce stress and feel calm and relaxed. After hypnosis many people report that they feel so chilled out and stress just rolls of them. Things don't bother them like they used to.

Breathing exercises which can take no more than ten minutes a day that help significantly in reducing hypertension, helps you to sleep more easily and peacefully and gives you that calm and relaxed feeling which shows on the outside as well as the inside.

New Year New You

2009-01-12T07:07:00.000-08:00

How many times have you heard that or said that to yourself? What would you like to change about yourself?Maybe nothing, you are just right as you are!

Sadly, not that many people think that about themselves. They are dissatisfied with themselves, wish they were more confident, slimmer, sexier. They wish they had more personality, could get rid of bad habits, and generally be fantastic in every way.

Then they wake up to the real truth that it takes hard work, a strong belief that they can change, and the will to want to change. It often takes the help of others to get them on the right road to change. As human beings, we are not that good at keeping up the momentum, we lose sight of what out goals are, and consequently slide back into our old ways.

Why? Because it is easier to take the path of least resistance, it is easier to come home and slob out watching TV and eating high fat easy to make to cook foods. It is easier to say no to social occasions, easier to stay in the same job, or even with the same person. Change takes effort and time, and for most of the time we continue to say we have no time.

I asked someone the other day about how she could fit in some exercise. I wasn't asking her to join a gym, go running, or spend hundreds on gym equipment or clothes. I was simply asking her if she could find the time to get her body moving.

No time at all she replied, I get home from work, I am too tired to do anything and then it is time for bed. I sked her how Eastenders was going, and she gave me a run down on all the gossip. Ahha I said, so you do have time to do other things? She looked a bit embarrased and then admitted that she does indeed slob out in front of the box for hours on end before falling into bed. All this on a heavy stomach as well!

She had complained that she was a bit depressed, had little social life and was very overweight. I said that I too would be depressed if I were to watch depressing soaps every night, and hardly went out. She had a gym just a short walk away, she had a sewing mahcine that she had bought years ago and never taken out of the box, and had mentioned that she used to love dancing.

Between us we worked out that if she started walking just ten minutes per day or night, joined the local college to learn soft furnishing, she would be making a good start on changing her lifestyle.

The upshot was that she did indeed do all these things, and even decided to join the gym up the road. She became so busy with all that she was doing, that her mood changed, she had no time to watch TV as people started asking her to make things on her sewing machine. She stopped eating high fat foods and immediately felt so much better in her energy levels, her sleep patterns, and her mood generally, and so the weight began to come off, and not feeling the least bit deprived of anything at all.

We can change our mood so quickly, and sometimes all it needs is to know how to do it. Instead of sitting waiting for something to happen, we can make it happen. It takes the tiniest bit of energy to want to change, and from that we can use the energy to create more energy. Everything takes eneregy, we are made from energy, so to keep ourselves on a low light all the time is just not beneficial for us at all.

Doing just one thing different each day creates energy, so what will you do today that is different from yesterday? We can take drugs to help us see things in a more balanced way, but how long do we have to take them? What about if we can be master of our own destiny? If we could, what would be the most significant thing to change first of all?

Frustrating therapists!

2008-05-13T02:20:00.000-07:00

I had the unfortunate day on a workshop with Mr Knowitall. The course was about sexual problems that people often encounter, and Mr K was a delegate on the course but was also acting as self appointed co trainer. He started off immediately telling the trainers that what they were training was not good enough and that he had been in the business for 25 years so must know more than them. he continued in the same vein despite me asking him what his point was. I even tried the NLP approach of staying in rapport with someone who you disagree with, but that did not work really. I asked him if he had studied NLP and naturally he said he read all the books on it but they were rubbish and that one of the NLP had committed suicide. I mentioned the founders of NLP and he said, 'yes that one' He was referring to Richard Bandler. Interesting I said, I was on one of his course last October, and he was fit and well then!

Eventually after lunch I could not contain my frustration any longer and told him he was spoiling my day and that although he was entitled to his opinions, he had given most of them, and could he keep his opinions to himself now.

I do wish more people would speak up when this kind of situation happens. Usually, unless the trainer takes over, delegates sit quietly fuming and saying nothing until later. Mr K would be the very last person I would go to as I feel sure that he would be telling his clients how wrong they are and that they must do things his way. Frightening to think that someone like him would be trying to help others.

What's the difference?

2008-05-08T09:01:00.000-07:00

What is the difference between a hypnotherapist and a hypnotist?

A hypnotist will make suggestions to the client and if those suggestions are acceptable, the client will find themselves doing that behaviour. The thing is, often as not these suggestions wear off over a period of time because there may be other things that get in the way of the suggestions working long term, such as low self-esteem, lack of confidence or lack of belief on ones self. If you don't really believe you are worth it or deserve success, whatever success would mean to you, then suggestion alone will never work long term.

A hypnotherapist will be using all kinds of different techniques that will help you to reprogramme your mind in the way you want it to be. NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming is really a good way to make the changes that are necessary.

A hypnotherapist would like to hear your story and then develop ways of helping you to move on.

I use hypnosis all the time, not surprisingly you might add, but there are some hypnotherapists who don't use it often enough. They may do too much talking, and the conscious mind is often not willing to change. It is the unconscious mind that can make profound changes in the way you think, feel and behave.

If you prefer to talk and have counseling, then of course that is up to you, but if you want to make some positive changes quickly, then hypnosis can be the most beneficial thing for you.

When looking for a therapist, ask as many questions as you can. You want to know that they have been trained to a certain standard of course, and if there is an outside accreditation that they have. Not just the training schools own accreditation. You want to know how they can help you, and you know, that just talking to someone can give you an idea of how they are going to be with you. If they sounds brusque, or as if they are not really interested in you, just interested in you becoming a client. You want to know that the time and money you spend is worth it.

Some people spend more time finding a good hairdresser than they do a therapist. Of course word of mouth is usually a good recommendation, but like restaurants, one mans meat is another mans poison, so even if you do have a recommendation, use the same rules. Does the therapist sound like the sort of person you would want to visit and talk to? Have they got a photo on their web site, so you can see what they look like before you call them? Do they reassure you that they can help you?

What exactly is hypnosis?

2008-05-08T00:24:00.000-07:00

Despite the number of TV shows with people on them being hypnotised, and the press often talking about it more and more favorably, people still wonder, and perhaps feel slightly in awe of the thought of being hypnotised. They more or less know that a hypnotherapist will not make you do daft things, although I do tell my clients that if I get bored I may get them to do daft things!

It is one of those things that is obviously not a conscious thing, so we can be wary of what may happen when in hypnosis. The idea of being 'under' hypnosis can make people think they should be unconscious when in hypnosis and despite what you see when stage hypnotists get people into trance and they look as thought they are asleep or unconscious, it is not true, you are neither asleep or unconscious. The hypnotist may put the head down on the subject to make them look asleep, or the subject themselves may feel more comfortable putting their head in a sleep kind of position. I experienced stage hypnosis many many moons ago and I did think that I had to be asleep so went along with the suggestion.

Thing is, you just really feel relaxed but daydreamy like, or for some people they just listening to what is being said.

Is it that some people would like to feel unconscious, that they find life difficult and don't know how to make changes, so would like someone else to do it for them whilst they are unconscious?

Slimmers would often like to be put into an unconscious state for a few weeks and wake up again slim. And all because they don't really want to work at getting slim, same as working at solving your own problems is difficult.

I came into hypnosis purely by chance. Sometimes we have an illness that cannot be identified or diagnosed conventionally. That happened to me and I was getting a little more than fed up with n ot knowing what was wrong with me. Sure I had stress in my life, who doesn't, but i had coped before and could not understand why my body appeared to be letting me down, and without any obvious reason or cause. If there had been a reason, I could have taken medication and got well, and let the doctors sort me out. Now with no diagnosis, I had to start to think about what i could do to help myself.

I do like to face up to things in life, always have. I will never run away from conflict, although like most would rather have a easy life with less worry. So, I faced up to the fact that although I did not have some dreadful disease or terminal illness, I was still ill and needed some help.

Rather than just go to one person, I thought more holistically about my life and what I thought I needed the most first. If my body was not behaving well, then i must take responsibility and find out how it could work better. I went to a herbalist and that was the beginning of the change in my life. Little did I know that after detoxing and getting rid of anything in my body that may be causing problems, I would be embarking on a new career in my life, one that would prove to be the most fulfilling, rewarding and exciting.

It so happened that a leaflet from a book club came through the door and one of the books was about self-hypnosis. I ordered it straight away and when it arrived could not put it down. I wanted to know what it felt like to go into trance, how I could learn to relax, and that is what I did. I did see a hypnotherapist and sorted out all the baggage from the past, which then freed my mind. Hard to explain that one unless you have experienced it, but that is how I felt. A sense of freedom, calmness took over. During this time it just seemed the right thing to do to study hypnosis. it appeared to me that everything I had done in my life had led me to this point, and you know what it feels like when it just feels right.

That first day of my training felt like I was walking on air. I had actually found something I truly loved and wanted more. I had studied in the past but usually under duress, and never really being that interested in the subjects. This time was for real, I was going to make something of my life that I could be proud of.