Surviving marriage

Are there any secrets to surviving a marriage? It may sound like you are in war, but sometimes for some people it can feel like that. There are no secrets, no one can tell you how a marriage really works because everyone is different.

Many marriages fail because there is less communication and therefore partners never really know what the other person is thinking about. Some people have to be right and will never back down. They become defensive and constantly have to prove themselves right, even if it means losing the relationship.

Actually, marriage or any kind of partnership is damned hard work, and often just when you feel like you have all the plates spinning to use a metaphor, one falls down and you end up back to square one. Once you become complacent, once you take the other person for granted, then you are on a road to problems.

So, if there was a check list that you consulted from time to time you would:

Often step into your partners map of the world, see things from their point of view rather than seeing things always from your point of view. You don't need to do this all the time. If you did you would always be seeing things from others view and suppressing your views.

Ask yourself if you always have to be right, and wonder what it may feel like to say you may be wrong.

Remember that you have faults and that is normal, and so do others.

Look at the big picture of the relationship. Imagine it as a jigsaw puzzle and that there are many parts to it. How many are good compared to the bad bits? Too many bad bits means the relationship has nowhere to go and it is time to move on from it.

Keep remembering all the good times, even when things are not so good. Are you taking the good with the bad and with what life throws at you?

Remember above all what made you fall in love to begin with. Are you trying to change the person you are with so that it suits you better?

Imagine what it might be like without the person. If it feels right to be with them, you get a nice comfortable feeling inside. If you get the comfy feeling imagining you on your own, take your instincts and feelings seriously.

Any relationship with anyone can be problematic at times. Stop thinking about the small things that bug you, they don't really matter.