Relationship therapy

Relationship therapy can be rather complex, mainly because the therapist is required to be completely impartial. I have often heard someone say that that the therapist appeared to be siding with the one person. That must be awful because there may be a feeling of being got at, or two against one.

But does relationship therapy work? Do you need to air your dirty laundry in front of someone else? Well yes and no, really. If you can't find solutions yourselves and you want someone to act as a kind of mediator, then therapy might work well.

What does not work well is seeing therapy as a way to accuse or blame the other person and hope the therapist will take sides. The session should be set up beforehand with agreements from both parties. Usually when in a argument, you are talking over each other trying to score points or get your own point of view across. How many times, when doing that, has your partner stopped and said, 'Oh yes, you are perfectly right, I totally agree with you'? It usually does not happen that way.

Arguments cause defensiveness and we don't like to think we are at fault in any way. Relationship therapy is about saying, 'Well it has not worked the way we have been, let's try another way'.

Next time you are in an argument, have a go at being totally quiet whilst the other person is speaking, and really listen to what they are saying no matter how hurtful it is. You may be trying to have an internal conversation with yourself about how you will react or what your response will be. Just listen and then ask the other person if they will be willing to listen to what you are going to say. This won't solve the problems you have, but it will cause you to react and respond in a different way.