Does being generous help you live longer? I am sure we have known people who are not generous live to a ripe old age, but have they been happy? Scrooge certainly became happier when he had more generous thoughts.
Being generous does not just mean giving money to people or buying things. It means being kind hearted, giving a cheery smile to someone who looks miserable, or doing some good deeds.
Random acts of kindness work both ways. You do something nice for someone, and you feel good about it.
Generosity means thinking well about as many people as you can rather than think badly about them. Not always the easiest thing to do, but just see how much better you feel when you think generously about someone that you don't get on well with.
Of course generosity can also mean respecting others, which sadly is often lacking within families. I have old fashioned traditional family values which meant you respected your parents. I know some parents don't deserve the respect sometimes, but sometimes children feel as though they can say what they like to parents and maybe even think it is acceptable to do so.
I hear about so many rifts amongst families and the saddest thing to hear is how some parents use their children as weapons, keeping them away from grandparents, just because they have a grudge with their parents, or because their parents refuse to be treated badly and stand up for themselves.
It happens so often these days and I do wonder if respect and generosity has diminished.
Try being generous today whether it is a thought about someone or whether you physically do something to brighten someones day, and see what happens!
Tuesday, 19 February 2013
Monday, 18 February 2013
Exactly how does hypnotherapy work?
Exactly how hypnotherapy works is a question I have been asking myself for years. All I know is that it really does work. No, that's not strictly true, I do know that hypnosis in itself quietens the conscious mind. That all thinking part of us that is analysing all the time stops doing just that and allows the unconscious memory part of our mind to take over. But it is not just that alone that makes hypnotherapy work so well.
If it was, then anyone could use some suggestions to a hypnotised person and they would carry out the suggestions. Hypnotherapy is about the therapist using all their language skills and helping the client to understand the reason why they do what they do. Just the fact of talking to someone who is not related or connected with you in any way helps, as that person becomes impartial and only has your interests at heart. They want you to succeed in life. Your success is also their success in the fact that they have been instrumental in helping you to change your ways of thinking.
A client reminded me once again that we are born with just two fears. Loud noises and falling. The rest of the fears we have have been developed along our life journey. We have acquired them for one reason or another.
People have a fear of even talking about their problems and believe that they have to put up with them. 'That's how life is' is a script they repeat often. 'Story of my life these problems' is another.
You really don't have to do what you have always done or be what you have always been.
First stage of courage is to have therapy. Once you start, you realise quickly how fast and effective it can be. Brain training and re-programming sound like jargon, but the truth is that we can train our brain so effectively. All we need is the courage to begin.
If it was, then anyone could use some suggestions to a hypnotised person and they would carry out the suggestions. Hypnotherapy is about the therapist using all their language skills and helping the client to understand the reason why they do what they do. Just the fact of talking to someone who is not related or connected with you in any way helps, as that person becomes impartial and only has your interests at heart. They want you to succeed in life. Your success is also their success in the fact that they have been instrumental in helping you to change your ways of thinking.
A client reminded me once again that we are born with just two fears. Loud noises and falling. The rest of the fears we have have been developed along our life journey. We have acquired them for one reason or another.
People have a fear of even talking about their problems and believe that they have to put up with them. 'That's how life is' is a script they repeat often. 'Story of my life these problems' is another.
You really don't have to do what you have always done or be what you have always been.
First stage of courage is to have therapy. Once you start, you realise quickly how fast and effective it can be. Brain training and re-programming sound like jargon, but the truth is that we can train our brain so effectively. All we need is the courage to begin.
Tuesday, 12 February 2013
The truth about slimming
It's not what you want to hear. You would prefer to hear that a new diet, new drug, new anything will aid in your desire to be slim.
The awful truth that is unpalatable is that the only way of becoming slimmer is to eat less. ARRRRGGGGGGHHH, you don't want to hear that. It's not as if you don't already know that. There surely must be another way!
Well no there is not. No diet, no drug, no gastric band or bypass works 100%. If there was anything that was 100% we would quit everything else and follow that way.
Of course some diets work for some people, and that is why the Big Slimming companies make billions. Actually, don't tell anyone, but they don't really want you to be too successful. Well they want some people to be successful so that they can promote their success, but if you were all successful, they would go out of business fast. Their success is based on the life of a dieter, which statistically used to be six weeks. After that time most dieters give up as the weight is not coming off quickly enough, or they feel deprived of certain foods. Fast forward six months or a year, let's say January, and the slimming company sees you again in the queue. In fact the vast majority in the queue are like you, and have been once, twice, three times more than you perhaps. And they have that expression that says, 'Here we go again'.
That's why the slimming clubs invent new ideas and new ways to try to motivate you yet again, and we say, 'Oh that sounds different, let's have a go at that'.
Gastric bands are usually the last resort, and they stop you from eating too much. But why are they not 100% successful. Why? Because the person is not 100% committed to this new way of life and eating more healthily.
Sorry, but thousands of pounds later and you still have the weight problem.
Gastric hypnoband is the same folks. You have to be committed yourself in wanting to eat less. If you are, it will work. If you don't get your thinking straight and just want to be slimmer without any effort, it just won't work.
The awful truth that is unpalatable is that the only way of becoming slimmer is to eat less. ARRRRGGGGGGHHH, you don't want to hear that. It's not as if you don't already know that. There surely must be another way!
Well no there is not. No diet, no drug, no gastric band or bypass works 100%. If there was anything that was 100% we would quit everything else and follow that way.
Of course some diets work for some people, and that is why the Big Slimming companies make billions. Actually, don't tell anyone, but they don't really want you to be too successful. Well they want some people to be successful so that they can promote their success, but if you were all successful, they would go out of business fast. Their success is based on the life of a dieter, which statistically used to be six weeks. After that time most dieters give up as the weight is not coming off quickly enough, or they feel deprived of certain foods. Fast forward six months or a year, let's say January, and the slimming company sees you again in the queue. In fact the vast majority in the queue are like you, and have been once, twice, three times more than you perhaps. And they have that expression that says, 'Here we go again'.
That's why the slimming clubs invent new ideas and new ways to try to motivate you yet again, and we say, 'Oh that sounds different, let's have a go at that'.
Gastric bands are usually the last resort, and they stop you from eating too much. But why are they not 100% successful. Why? Because the person is not 100% committed to this new way of life and eating more healthily.
Sorry, but thousands of pounds later and you still have the weight problem.
Gastric hypnoband is the same folks. You have to be committed yourself in wanting to eat less. If you are, it will work. If you don't get your thinking straight and just want to be slimmer without any effort, it just won't work.
Monday, 11 February 2013
Relationship therapy
Relationship therapy can be rather complex, mainly because the therapist is required to be completely impartial. I have often heard someone say that that the therapist appeared to be siding with the one person. That must be awful because there may be a feeling of being got at, or two against one.
But does relationship therapy work? Do you need to air your dirty laundry in front of someone else? Well yes and no, really. If you can't find solutions yourselves and you want someone to act as a kind of mediator, then therapy might work well.
What does not work well is seeing therapy as a way to accuse or blame the other person and hope the therapist will take sides. The session should be set up beforehand with agreements from both parties. Usually when in a argument, you are talking over each other trying to score points or get your own point of view across. How many times, when doing that, has your partner stopped and said, 'Oh yes, you are perfectly right, I totally agree with you'? It usually does not happen that way.
Arguments cause defensiveness and we don't like to think we are at fault in any way. Relationship therapy is about saying, 'Well it has not worked the way we have been, let's try another way'.
Next time you are in an argument, have a go at being totally quiet whilst the other person is speaking, and really listen to what they are saying no matter how hurtful it is. You may be trying to have an internal conversation with yourself about how you will react or what your response will be. Just listen and then ask the other person if they will be willing to listen to what you are going to say. This won't solve the problems you have, but it will cause you to react and respond in a different way.
But does relationship therapy work? Do you need to air your dirty laundry in front of someone else? Well yes and no, really. If you can't find solutions yourselves and you want someone to act as a kind of mediator, then therapy might work well.
What does not work well is seeing therapy as a way to accuse or blame the other person and hope the therapist will take sides. The session should be set up beforehand with agreements from both parties. Usually when in a argument, you are talking over each other trying to score points or get your own point of view across. How many times, when doing that, has your partner stopped and said, 'Oh yes, you are perfectly right, I totally agree with you'? It usually does not happen that way.
Arguments cause defensiveness and we don't like to think we are at fault in any way. Relationship therapy is about saying, 'Well it has not worked the way we have been, let's try another way'.
Next time you are in an argument, have a go at being totally quiet whilst the other person is speaking, and really listen to what they are saying no matter how hurtful it is. You may be trying to have an internal conversation with yourself about how you will react or what your response will be. Just listen and then ask the other person if they will be willing to listen to what you are going to say. This won't solve the problems you have, but it will cause you to react and respond in a different way.
Saturday, 9 February 2013
Surviving marriage
Are there any secrets to surviving a marriage? It may sound like you are in war, but sometimes for some people it can feel like that. There are no secrets, no one can tell you how a marriage really works because everyone is different.
Many marriages fail because there is less communication and therefore partners never really know what the other person is thinking about. Some people have to be right and will never back down. They become defensive and constantly have to prove themselves right, even if it means losing the relationship.
Actually, marriage or any kind of partnership is damned hard work, and often just when you feel like you have all the plates spinning to use a metaphor, one falls down and you end up back to square one. Once you become complacent, once you take the other person for granted, then you are on a road to problems.
So, if there was a check list that you consulted from time to time you would:
Often step into your partners map of the world, see things from their point of view rather than seeing things always from your point of view. You don't need to do this all the time. If you did you would always be seeing things from others view and suppressing your views.
Ask yourself if you always have to be right, and wonder what it may feel like to say you may be wrong.
Remember that you have faults and that is normal, and so do others.
Look at the big picture of the relationship. Imagine it as a jigsaw puzzle and that there are many parts to it. How many are good compared to the bad bits? Too many bad bits means the relationship has nowhere to go and it is time to move on from it.
Keep remembering all the good times, even when things are not so good. Are you taking the good with the bad and with what life throws at you?
Remember above all what made you fall in love to begin with. Are you trying to change the person you are with so that it suits you better?
Imagine what it might be like without the person. If it feels right to be with them, you get a nice comfortable feeling inside. If you get the comfy feeling imagining you on your own, take your instincts and feelings seriously.
Any relationship with anyone can be problematic at times. Stop thinking about the small things that bug you, they don't really matter.
Many marriages fail because there is less communication and therefore partners never really know what the other person is thinking about. Some people have to be right and will never back down. They become defensive and constantly have to prove themselves right, even if it means losing the relationship.
Actually, marriage or any kind of partnership is damned hard work, and often just when you feel like you have all the plates spinning to use a metaphor, one falls down and you end up back to square one. Once you become complacent, once you take the other person for granted, then you are on a road to problems.
So, if there was a check list that you consulted from time to time you would:
Often step into your partners map of the world, see things from their point of view rather than seeing things always from your point of view. You don't need to do this all the time. If you did you would always be seeing things from others view and suppressing your views.
Ask yourself if you always have to be right, and wonder what it may feel like to say you may be wrong.
Remember that you have faults and that is normal, and so do others.
Look at the big picture of the relationship. Imagine it as a jigsaw puzzle and that there are many parts to it. How many are good compared to the bad bits? Too many bad bits means the relationship has nowhere to go and it is time to move on from it.
Keep remembering all the good times, even when things are not so good. Are you taking the good with the bad and with what life throws at you?
Remember above all what made you fall in love to begin with. Are you trying to change the person you are with so that it suits you better?
Imagine what it might be like without the person. If it feels right to be with them, you get a nice comfortable feeling inside. If you get the comfy feeling imagining you on your own, take your instincts and feelings seriously.
Any relationship with anyone can be problematic at times. Stop thinking about the small things that bug you, they don't really matter.
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