How do you deal with those stressful situations?

No matter how well you train your brain to be in control, it often behave in a very different way when you are under stress. We can go into meltdown, which means we are unable to function properly for a certain time. Our mind blanks out and we cannot think straight.

For some people this kind of feeling goes on for far too long, and they find themselves unable to cope with everyday situations, like work and home life. They only seem able to think of the stressful situation, going from emotion to emotion like sadness, anger, desperation and so on and so on.

For others, they seem to be able to put the stress to one side and get on with their day to day jobs and social situations. This does not mean they are better in any way than us, and nor does it mean we are wimps if we are unable to cope.

What it does mean is that we have to find some other coping strategies to deal with stress or it will deal with us in a way that is most unsuitable, which then leads to depression.

If you are under major stress right now, see if any of the ways I suggest help you.

By all means talk to people, but do your very best to talk of other things rather than keep going over the stressful situation. They may not be able to help you with the stress, but they can listen to you and maybe even take your mind of the stress for a short while. Laughter is good even in the face of adversity. Laughter was very important during the war, or people would have gone under.

If you keep talking about the stress your friends and family will get fed up with you talking about the same thing, especially if you are not prepared to do anything about it in terms of you changing some strategies.

If you don't feel like talking to friends do your level best to keep in touch with them, even if it is a text to say you are glad they are your friends but you need time to think things through. If you don't keep in touch, your friends may think you don't want them anymore and they may not be there when you do need them. They will understand providing you let them know you still need them in your life.

Go and see a therapist. They are non judgmental and impartial, and will help you to deal with stressful situations. Any good therapist will not allow you to keep talking about the stress as that will just re-enforce it even more. Instead, a good therapist will help you with coping strategies. If they don't, stop going and find another therapist. Talk to them on the phone before making an appointment and ask specifically how they will help you.

Go for long walks on the beach if you can and let the wind blow through your hair. If it helps, get angry on the walk, but when you turn around make sure you have some good thoughts and maybe a few smiles on the way back. (Think of all the people you love and who are good to you)

Do some different things if you can, no matter how small they are.

Give yourself a self pity moment during the day or evening, and then stop and get on with other things.

These suggestions are helpful to many people. Let them help you.

Stop smoking with drugs

I nearly fell off my chair when I read about the side effects of Champix, the anti smoking drug. There was a list of side effects, all particularly nasty, but the worst was suicidal thoughts.

It may cause psychosis, depression or in a worst case scenario, it read, suicide. It may be though, it went on to add, that even stopping smoking may cause suicidal thoughts. How clever the drug companies are that they lead you to believe it is your fault for stopping smoking that causes suicidal thoughts. I was of the opinion that Champix was meant to stop you wanting to smoke, so what would make you feel suicidal if you had no craving.

I know many people are desperate to stop smoking, but do consider other ways first before embarking on drugs that could potentially cause horrid side effects that could last a long time. There is certainly not enough evidence that these drugs are really successful. Drug companies make millions and millions each year, and they don't appear to care enough about all the dreadful side effects that the drug can cause. Drugs don't stop psychological urges, they just suppress the desire, or that is what they are meant to do. Nothing works 100%, even hypnosis, but the one thing you can be sure of and that is you won't have suicidal thoughts, or bad dreams, or rashes, or depression with hypnosis.

And another thing that can lead you to towards happiness

I thought of another thing yesterday that can lead you towards happiness.

Stop worrying about what people think of you and stop comparing yourself with others. We probably start this when we copy other children when we are small. It is normal at that stage in life. It leads to unhappiness when we continue to do it through life, especially if we don't think we do compare well with others.

Accept you as you are, do your best in whatever you do, and appreciate yourself. Recall all the good things you are capable of and the things you have achieved in life no matter how small they are.

Try it and see what happens. It has got to be better than any negative way of thinking.

How to be happy and be in control

Many people, when asked how they would like to be, say 'happy'. What does happiness mean to you?

Having lots of money does not necessarily create happiness so they say, but I expect there are a lot of rich people who would say they are happy. There are some rich people out there who look very miserable. Is inner happiness more important than wealth?

I have some ideas of how we can create inner happiness, and it is all to do with the way you think. It is quite easy to be miserable, it takes mere seconds to create bad pictures and thoughts in our head, and there you go, the recipe for unhappiness. We can't always be happy. Life throws things at us that can cause us to feel unhappy, but it depends on how long you want that unhappiness to last. Some people make a career out of being and staying unhappy. Whether it serves a purpose or not I don't know. Some people make it their business to do their best to be happy no matter what is going on around them.

I have some tips on how to stay happy. We have a right to reject the idea of working to be happy, and a right to do our best to be happy.

1 When you wake up each day, rather than let your mind control you with miserable thoughts, think of something immediately that is a good thought, something funny, or really pleasant. Keep your mind focused on that thought for as long as you can

2 If something bad happens to you, tell yourself that it will pass. Everything does pass. Only allow yourself a certain amount of time to dwell on whatever it is and then get on with life

3 Each day, think of all the good things you have done in life

4 Do your best to make someone else happy. A kind word, something you give them, or just smiling and looking friendly

5 Think of all the good things that people have done for you, and not just recently, but as far back as you can recall. You may not even be in contact any more with these people, but they did something good for you at some time in your life

6 Imagine only for a moment what would happen to your thoughts if you did not have the people you love most in your life, and then feel happy that they are in your life

7 Get involved with people who are genuinely happy. Stay away from doom and gloom people, they bring you down

8 If you have to mix with doom and gloomers, keep changing the subject to happier things

9 Stop reading newspapers. They make you feel depressed or get you to feel mad about the world

10 If you really want to know what goes on in the world, do some charity work or become involved with people less fortunate than yourself

You have control of how your mind works despite the fact you may not think so. If you really cannot do this for yourself, find a good NLPer and hypnotherapist, and they will gladly show you how to do it. If they look unhappy themselves, find someone else who has learned to run their mind the right way