When forgiveness is possible, it can heal major pain

That was a quote from Dr David Hamilton's book 'Why Kindness Is Good For You'.

Being kind to others makes us feel good, and so it is a two way approach. You show kindness for others and you feel the benefit of that kindness too. Forgiving people is also a kindness to them and to others. It would appear that many people these days and not prepared to forgive and prefer to keep anger and resentment going on rather than forgive and let go. Forgiving does not mean saying that the person who wronged you in some way gets away with treating you badly, but it can mean that you forgive yourself at the same time because all relationships are two way, and we must learn to take responsibility for any breakdown in relationship.

There are not many people who have not be betrayed at some time in their life. Someone who you trusted and thought they really cared or loved you, then to find out they have betrayed you in some way, or are not prepared to do their best to repair the relationship. I feel sad when family relationships break up, particularly for mothers who find that they have done their very best to raise their children with the resources they have, only to find they have been dumped almost without another thought, and often for the most ridiculous of reasons. Maybe both sides are not willing to communicate and sort things out. Thousands of years ago we lived in tribes and new each other well. Now we become more distanced away from family. I have seen many very old people in homes with no visitors, even though there are family somewhere out there.

Do you need to forgive someone, and perhaps need to forgive yourself so that you can release anger and resentment and bitterness. That kind of thinking leads to illness both psychologically and physically. Here are some tips that David Hamilton suggests we use to help us forgive:

Learn about how forgiveness is good for your mental and emotional health

Ask yourself if it is doing you any good holding on to grudges

Remind yourself that forgiveness is an act of kindness towards yourself

Make a determined decision to forgive

Take a deep breath when you find yourself dwelling on your past and move on

Realise that you have hurt people in the past which then gives you a different perspective so that you can step into the other persons shoes and see it from their point of view

My own view and experience in my career as a therapist is that forgiveness releases us and gives us emotional freedom. Either we can repair relationships with a different understanding, or move on and make other relationships worthwhile.

Value the good relationships you do have. Nurture them and make sure you patch up any misunderstandings quickly.

Remember too, that if you have fallen out with parents and you have children, it may happen to you at some time in the future and then you will suffer as much as parents do when they are estranged by their children. Parents make mistakes all the time, and provided it is not physical or mental abuse, we may be able to repair the bonds, and if we cannot, we can forgive and move on.