Mothers Day

To all Mothers out there, happy mothers day for Sunday the 3rd of April. When I was small and went to Sunday school, they would allow all the children to present little posies on Mothers Day. I used to be very proud, going up, being handed the flowers and then presenting them to my mother. Daughters don't always have easy relationships with their mothers and mine was no exception. She could be extremely frustrating at times, but I never gave up wanting to see her and be a part of her life.

Towards the end of her life I wanted her to continue living forever. Despite the fact she was 91, and very fragile, I could not bear to think of life without her. It was not just sentimental reasons, I think we all need our mothers. We want them to be proud of us, to give us encouragement, and just to be there for us. My mother was born in 1914, and came from an unemotional family. It was a Victorian attitude that children were seen and not heard. There were not many cuddles or kisses, and looking back through my years I can understand why she was unemotional. She revealed that she did not know how to be emotional when she was 86. I told her that it was not too late, and after that, she became the mother I always wanted her to be.

I see so many clients that have difficult relationships with their children. It is not easy to be a mother. We don't come armed with a manual. Most of us work hard at doing our best, and continue to make mistakes all the time. The best mothers do realise that, and will take responsibility if things go wrong in the relationships we have with our children. Providing we give them good beliefs and values, then whatever they do later in life is not our responsibility. Sometimes we have to let them fly the nest and go on with their life. It is not easy to do that, just to let go, and so to all daughter-in laws, remember that your mother-in law has brought up her son, and you chose him with his beliefs and values that his mother gave him. Do your very best not to be jealous, or to try to compete with her. After all, if you have a son, you too may be a mother-in-law one day.

One day your mother will not be there, so be kind to her, respect her even with all her faults. You too have faults, and hopefully she does her best not to point them out to you too often. Take responsibility if things go wrong with your relationship with her. If you think things are all her problem, then you need some help to see things from a different perspective. Not all mothers are good to their children though, but unless she has done something so horrific to you or your own family, then forgive. To those sons who have partners who do not get on with your mother, do your best to be the peacemaker. Ask your partner about her insecurities, and remind her that if she becomes a mother, she will may not be liked by her children's partners.

When they have died, you always want to say so many things that you did not say when they were alive. Say them now whilst they are alive. Tell them good things that they want to hear. Make them feel special. They made you feel special when you were born.

To those mothers who have no contact with their children, I am sorry. You must be heartbroken at times. Just remember the good times you did have and tell yourself that you did the best you could with the resources you had at that time.

Happy mothers day