How compassionate are you with yourself? Do you regularly criticise yourself? Would you openly criticise a friend they way you do with yourself?
We often talk about wanting greater self esteem, but what about the compassion we can feel for ourselves? Many of us will willing say that we are compassionate with other people, and yet we never think about being kinder to ourselves. We constantly criticise ourselves, compare ourselves to others, and often feel we are not good enough.
What happens if you share these thoughts with friends or relations? Hopefully you find people who are compassionate and will share your sorrows. This often makes us feel a bit better, but we can easily get into the habit of expecting others to continually make us feel better. And then if we keep on moaning for too long, those friends or relatives get fed up with hearing the same old same old.
Imagine for a moment that you are talking to yourself but in a kind way. As if you are having a two way conversation. Be compassionate when talking to yourself, even if you have to pretend to be. We can be kind and considerate to ourselves, and then notice the difference. Learn to stop beating yourself up too much. It never works, it only makes you feel worse than ever. Have a go at doing something different for a change. Set up a no such thing as failure option in your mind. If you get something wrong, stop criticising and start being kinder to yourself. If you keep telling yourself off, you get more of the same behaviours.
You can learn to laugh at yourself more often, stop taking yourself so seriously for a change. Go on, have a go and see how good it feels.
Thursday, 28 April 2011
Sunday, 17 April 2011
Healing weekend
I have just finished some training with students on a healing weekend. We were learning how to help people who have physical or mental pain. I happened to notice that some of the students were a bit stressed themselves, so what better weekend to have to off load or just help each other. I mentioned that I was feeling a bit burnt out myself. I am so busy helping others that I forget I need to have help too. Fortunately, there are some wonderful friends and students who can help me through such times. I really do not know what I would do without them as they are extremely supportive, and of course I support them too. When you are feeling stressed, or just feeling a bit down for one reason or another, friends can be amazing. Just a little word here and there, or a phone call or an email can make all the difference. Naturally I don't remain down for too long as I have techniques I can use on myself or get someone to use them. Occasionally though you just need some words of encouragement, someone just tells you that you are okay person, and everything seems better.
Coming back from training, I felt warmed by generous thoughts and a past student sent me some healing stones. I went into my garden and did some planting for a few hours, and the smell of new lavender made me feel great. I am also a sucker for songs that have meaning. 'What have you done today to make you feel proud' is a favourite.
'Look for the hero inside yourself' brings all kinds of good thoughts and memories back.
Coming back from training, I felt warmed by generous thoughts and a past student sent me some healing stones. I went into my garden and did some planting for a few hours, and the smell of new lavender made me feel great. I am also a sucker for songs that have meaning. 'What have you done today to make you feel proud' is a favourite.
'Look for the hero inside yourself' brings all kinds of good thoughts and memories back.
Friday, 1 April 2011
Mothers Day
To all Mothers out there, happy mothers day for Sunday the 3rd of April. When I was small and went to Sunday school, they would allow all the children to present little posies on Mothers Day. I used to be very proud, going up, being handed the flowers and then presenting them to my mother. Daughters don't always have easy relationships with their mothers and mine was no exception. She could be extremely frustrating at times, but I never gave up wanting to see her and be a part of her life.
Towards the end of her life I wanted her to continue living forever. Despite the fact she was 91, and very fragile, I could not bear to think of life without her. It was not just sentimental reasons, I think we all need our mothers. We want them to be proud of us, to give us encouragement, and just to be there for us. My mother was born in 1914, and came from an unemotional family. It was a Victorian attitude that children were seen and not heard. There were not many cuddles or kisses, and looking back through my years I can understand why she was unemotional. She revealed that she did not know how to be emotional when she was 86. I told her that it was not too late, and after that, she became the mother I always wanted her to be.
I see so many clients that have difficult relationships with their children. It is not easy to be a mother. We don't come armed with a manual. Most of us work hard at doing our best, and continue to make mistakes all the time. The best mothers do realise that, and will take responsibility if things go wrong in the relationships we have with our children. Providing we give them good beliefs and values, then whatever they do later in life is not our responsibility. Sometimes we have to let them fly the nest and go on with their life. It is not easy to do that, just to let go, and so to all daughter-in laws, remember that your mother-in law has brought up her son, and you chose him with his beliefs and values that his mother gave him. Do your very best not to be jealous, or to try to compete with her. After all, if you have a son, you too may be a mother-in-law one day.
One day your mother will not be there, so be kind to her, respect her even with all her faults. You too have faults, and hopefully she does her best not to point them out to you too often. Take responsibility if things go wrong with your relationship with her. If you think things are all her problem, then you need some help to see things from a different perspective. Not all mothers are good to their children though, but unless she has done something so horrific to you or your own family, then forgive. To those sons who have partners who do not get on with your mother, do your best to be the peacemaker. Ask your partner about her insecurities, and remind her that if she becomes a mother, she will may not be liked by her children's partners.
When they have died, you always want to say so many things that you did not say when they were alive. Say them now whilst they are alive. Tell them good things that they want to hear. Make them feel special. They made you feel special when you were born.
To those mothers who have no contact with their children, I am sorry. You must be heartbroken at times. Just remember the good times you did have and tell yourself that you did the best you could with the resources you had at that time.
Happy mothers day
Towards the end of her life I wanted her to continue living forever. Despite the fact she was 91, and very fragile, I could not bear to think of life without her. It was not just sentimental reasons, I think we all need our mothers. We want them to be proud of us, to give us encouragement, and just to be there for us. My mother was born in 1914, and came from an unemotional family. It was a Victorian attitude that children were seen and not heard. There were not many cuddles or kisses, and looking back through my years I can understand why she was unemotional. She revealed that she did not know how to be emotional when she was 86. I told her that it was not too late, and after that, she became the mother I always wanted her to be.
I see so many clients that have difficult relationships with their children. It is not easy to be a mother. We don't come armed with a manual. Most of us work hard at doing our best, and continue to make mistakes all the time. The best mothers do realise that, and will take responsibility if things go wrong in the relationships we have with our children. Providing we give them good beliefs and values, then whatever they do later in life is not our responsibility. Sometimes we have to let them fly the nest and go on with their life. It is not easy to do that, just to let go, and so to all daughter-in laws, remember that your mother-in law has brought up her son, and you chose him with his beliefs and values that his mother gave him. Do your very best not to be jealous, or to try to compete with her. After all, if you have a son, you too may be a mother-in-law one day.
One day your mother will not be there, so be kind to her, respect her even with all her faults. You too have faults, and hopefully she does her best not to point them out to you too often. Take responsibility if things go wrong with your relationship with her. If you think things are all her problem, then you need some help to see things from a different perspective. Not all mothers are good to their children though, but unless she has done something so horrific to you or your own family, then forgive. To those sons who have partners who do not get on with your mother, do your best to be the peacemaker. Ask your partner about her insecurities, and remind her that if she becomes a mother, she will may not be liked by her children's partners.
When they have died, you always want to say so many things that you did not say when they were alive. Say them now whilst they are alive. Tell them good things that they want to hear. Make them feel special. They made you feel special when you were born.
To those mothers who have no contact with their children, I am sorry. You must be heartbroken at times. Just remember the good times you did have and tell yourself that you did the best you could with the resources you had at that time.
Happy mothers day
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