Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a highly emotive word. For some people they may think if they forgive someone, it could appear that they are excusing their behaviour.

If you think about anyone that has done you any harm in the past either physically or mentally, do you experience uncomfortable feelings inside? This is because you have not come to terms with what has happened, and can either be feeling angry, or hurt about that situation. Some people even feel these kind of feelings many years after the event. It is more harmful to us to keep any bitter feelings inside. Forgiving though, may seem far too much for you to contemplate. You could ask yourself some questions.

Is it helpful to keep any hurt or bitterness about that person? If you did forgive them, would that mean you were allowing them to get away with what they have done to you?

Forgiveness does mean condoning bad behaviour. It can mean letting go of any hurt or bitterness for good and relieving yourself of the bad feelings you may have been carrying round with you. As mentioned previously, carrying around bad feelings causes anxiety, and then anxiety can manifest itself in many ways.

Some people prefer to have ambivalent feelings about someone, as it could mean you no longer care to think about them but when you do it means nothing to you. The fact that you have survived whatever harm that person or people have done to you, you survived it.

There is an amazing book called 'The lost Art of Forgiving', and this book concentrates on people who have been the victims of the most awful crimes done to them, but found it within themselves to forgive and move on.

If we forgive, it does not mean we have to let that person know we have forgiven them, nor does it mean we have to continue to be abused by them in any way. Abuse is not just physical harm but mental harm. The old saying 'sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me' is not true in my book. Harmful words last, and we can remember them word for word. They cannot be taken back, they become part of our memory, but we can let the feeling go for good. I have met many people who cannot forgive parents for one reason or another, and mistakingly think that when a parent dies those old hurts will end. It is not true, the hurt continues on for the rest of your life unless you are willing to do something to end the hurt. You would not only be forgiving someone else, but yourself too as you put yourself through stress each and every time to you think of that person.

We often hear of family feuds being resolved when someone is dying. Why wait till then? Too late when the person has gone.

Forgive yourself and others and experience the emotional freedom that you deserve.