Depression

We can all feel depressed from time to time. Maybe a little down in the dumps, feeling sad, or things just not going well. It would be almost impossible to be very very happy all the time, and I would suspect anyone who said they were. Just reading about the people in Japan made me feel sad, and down in the dumps for a little while. Then I had to tell myself that apart from sending some money, there was little else I could do that would be useful, and so I had to get on with life. I was a little more than relieved when my son returned from Japan safely, and slept better.

Longer term depression is another thing. It rarely strikes for no reason at all, and whilst the medical profession will continue to believe that the feel good chemicals in our brain are reduced, I will continue to ask what caused them to reduce. A little depression means that at times you feel down but can easily be encouraged or encourage yourself to cheer up. The latter is much better than the former though, because if people have to keep cheering you up, you could become dependent on that. Serious depression causes you to feel that you don't want to get up in the morning, or can't be bothered to wash and get dressed. Nothing cheers you up, maybe not even a lottery win! It may solve some financial problems but it would not stop negative thoughts continuing. People often have suicidal thoughts, life is not worth living, and perhaps everyone would be better off without them. A large does of self pity goes on at these moments. It is hoped that anyone suffering so badly like this would seek help from their GP and have therapy at the same time.

Depression through grief is normal. If there is a loss, whether it it because the person has died, or has disappeared from their life, it is normal to grieve, and medication does not help if you are wishing the person was still around. We can give ourselves the time to have some self pity, and then be strong and get on with life. Someone very special to me has a mantra.' Every second you dwell on the past, you steal from the future'.

The past has gone and we cannot change it, the future is ahead and we can make plans to make it better. Now is the time to enjoy what you have. Count your blessings from time to time. Give some thought to others who have lost their way for some reason, and those that are suffering, mentally or physically.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a highly emotive word. For some people they may think if they forgive someone, it could appear that they are excusing their behaviour.

If you think about anyone that has done you any harm in the past either physically or mentally, do you experience uncomfortable feelings inside? This is because you have not come to terms with what has happened, and can either be feeling angry, or hurt about that situation. Some people even feel these kind of feelings many years after the event. It is more harmful to us to keep any bitter feelings inside. Forgiving though, may seem far too much for you to contemplate. You could ask yourself some questions.

Is it helpful to keep any hurt or bitterness about that person? If you did forgive them, would that mean you were allowing them to get away with what they have done to you?

Forgiveness does mean condoning bad behaviour. It can mean letting go of any hurt or bitterness for good and relieving yourself of the bad feelings you may have been carrying round with you. As mentioned previously, carrying around bad feelings causes anxiety, and then anxiety can manifest itself in many ways.

Some people prefer to have ambivalent feelings about someone, as it could mean you no longer care to think about them but when you do it means nothing to you. The fact that you have survived whatever harm that person or people have done to you, you survived it.

There is an amazing book called 'The lost Art of Forgiving', and this book concentrates on people who have been the victims of the most awful crimes done to them, but found it within themselves to forgive and move on.

If we forgive, it does not mean we have to let that person know we have forgiven them, nor does it mean we have to continue to be abused by them in any way. Abuse is not just physical harm but mental harm. The old saying 'sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me' is not true in my book. Harmful words last, and we can remember them word for word. They cannot be taken back, they become part of our memory, but we can let the feeling go for good. I have met many people who cannot forgive parents for one reason or another, and mistakingly think that when a parent dies those old hurts will end. It is not true, the hurt continues on for the rest of your life unless you are willing to do something to end the hurt. You would not only be forgiving someone else, but yourself too as you put yourself through stress each and every time to you think of that person.

We often hear of family feuds being resolved when someone is dying. Why wait till then? Too late when the person has gone.

Forgive yourself and others and experience the emotional freedom that you deserve.

Anxiety

I cannot think of anyone who has never ever had some anxiety in their life. It can be a minor anxiety or a major anxiety that lasts far too long. In therapy terms we can call it the stress response, and stress is perfectly normal. We have inherited the same stress response as our ancestors who had to fight off dangerous animals to survive and eat. To hunt down large animals would take courage, but also a body response. If we need to be on full alert, that means our heart has to work harder to enable us to run if we have to. The natural chemical in our brain called adrenalin kicks in and enables this to happen. Our circulation changes and our eyesight becomes more profound. Once we have killed the Woolly Mammoth our body can return to normal. All in a day's work for primitive man.

In this century the Woolly Mammoth is the office, a supermarket, or factory. We are faced with stresses every day. Driving on the roads can seem a like a hurdle some days, or queuing in a supermarket has challenges for some of us. Just recall the last time you were in a supermarket in a hurry, and the person in front of you is slow, and only reaches for their purse when they have packed away their goods. Or something has to be returned from their goods, and you have to wait until an assistant goes to change it. Ever felt some stress at that point? For most of us we relax when it is our turn and we can leave the supermarket.

What about meetings at work or with the boss? Our stress levels can rise and perhaps stay high throughout the day, particularly if the meeting does not go well. This means our body is on alert for too long, and then we wonder why we feel a lack of energy at the end of the day, or even when we wake up in the morning! It is no wonder you feel tired if you have been fighting Woolly Mammoths for days on end.

The worst case of anxiety is a panic attack. This can happen when you are minding your own business one day and suddenly you feel hot, your heart is pounding, you may feel sick or think you are going to faint. The stress response has been triggered for some reason or another. Usually it is because you have been going through a stressful period for some time, and this panic attack is your body's way of telling you enough is enough. You usually want to respond to the anxiety attack because they are so stressful for you. They leave you feeling drained and afraid. And then of course you begin to worry about when the next one might arrive so you begin the vicious circle of being anxious about being anxious.

Learning how to relax and all the different techniques which can be used can be really helpful, and although it may take some time to get rid of those panic attacks completely, you will start to feel better. Medication can also help, but it does not deal with what is really making you stressful. Even stressful things that happened many years ago and have not been dealt with can create panic attacks much later. It often surprises people how things that have been suppressed can have a way of re-surfacing again.

Learning to relax is not easy. It takes time and effort, but well worthwhile for your health and well-being.