It is all about the expectations that we have about what parents should or should not do. I would agree that if any parent has been seriously abusing their child either mentally or physically, then perhaps contact should be stopped, and the same the other way round. Most times it is over an expectation that was not fulfilled. Many younger people, (and I am including people up to the age of fifty who have problems with their parents) never look at the bigger picture and evaluate what kind of upbringing they had. They seem to find a fault and then base their judgement on that fault they perceive. Most parents do their best when bringing up their kids, by giving them love and support and nurturing them. Some parents can be over critical about what their kids do with their lives, interfering when not required. Giving unsolicited advice, and generally sticking their oar in when not asked. It can be frustrating, and not an easy one to solve, other than asking them not to interfere, and having some ground rules. Most parents forget to stop becoming the protectors, and worry unnecessarily about their kids instead of getting on with their own lives.
Some kids have too much expectations from their parents, and if the parents step out of line, they come down on them like a ton of bricks. Kids can be over critical of their parents telling them what they are doing wrong. Then comes the problem when the kids find a partner that the parents do not get on with, especially when it is a son and he takes a partner. Suddenly, the son who thought a lot of his mother turns against her and takes the side of his partner, which of course would seem a normal thing to do. When confronted with these kinds of dilemma, I feel like getting the whole family together and see where the problems lay. Most of the time the problem is that each person thinks they are right. What is often missing is the respect. People are not prefect, parents do not have a manual to use when they bring children into the world. they just do their best with the resources they have at the time. Kids forget that and lose the respect for their parents. Unless a parent has done the most hideous thing, then forgiveness has to be the right way forward. Sadly, people would rather think they are right and that means they will not forgive. However, they then have to deal with losing the relationship, or bringing children into the world and then facing the same problems, by which time it might be too late to make any amends with their own parents.
How much better could it be to let go of past bitterness and see the person or people as they really are. If you are a parent, it could be that you recall the good times you had with your child, and do your best to become more approving of your children. If you are a child with a problem parent, why not become more mature, no matter what age you are, and respect your parents. If you have grown up being cared for and cherished, have some good beliefs and values and know right from wrong, then your parents deserve a pat on the back for the good work they have done. If you know how to treat other human beings with courtesy and kindness, your parents have done a good job. See the bigger picture, come down off your high moral ground and see if there is a way forward. You don't have to take all the responsibility for what has gone wrong, and neither do they. Act your age, be grown up and rise to the challenge of making things right with your family before it is too late. When your parents have gone, it is too late to make amends, and you will be the one who will suffer, whether you admit to it or not you will. be brave, bite the bullet and see if something good can come about through forgiveness. If the people or person will not accept it, then you have done your best and it is their problem.
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