Happiness set on default!

Here we are with another year, and the reason why I have not kept up with the blog is because I have used any spare time to concentrate on my book which at last has been published through Blurb. This is a way of getting your book published and not having to buy tons of them to begin with. You can order one and it is printed at request. Hopefully it can go on Amazon soon! I am already writing a new book about compulsions and addictions.

A very good friend Sarah made a comment last night about us all being set on default to be happy when we are born. It really made me think a lot about that. Of course how do we learn to be unhappy? We can be uncomfortable when we are very small, but that is usually because we are hungry or wet, or in pain, but we would not be unhappy in the terms that we come to understand later in life. We have to go through experiences and situations to know what unhappiness means. Watching tribes in countries that have little understanding of the Western world, we can easily see that without all the trappings of our material world, they are happy. It would be other people in their tribe who they don't get along with that make them unhappy. Sadly, there are not that many tribes left in the world that have not been exploited in some way, and once they are, they become unhappy about many other things in their lives.

Most of the time it is people who make us feel unhappy, or that is how we perceive it, but in actual fact, it is the way we respond to others that make us unhappy. Our response in how they treat us. We like to be in control, and when others do or don't do what we expect of them, we then feel out of control. When clients tell me they are 'control freaks', and have to have things just so, I know that they are not really in control. And the way I know it is because they are usually anxious people, and if you are anxious, then you are not in control. Dealing with all of life's situations is being in control. People will never respond in the way we want them to, and if we let go of wanting them to, we are gaining control.

I know now that not everyone will agree with what I say or how I react. It is not my problem or their problem. It is just that they don't understand me or me them. We can make some people happy, but not everyone. Ask any mother that question. They are usually trying to spin all the plates at the same time and constantly failing.

A client once asked me what she should do to please her family, as she often felt she could do no right for doing wrong at times. Hoping for understanding from members of her family was not an option as they had fixed views about what they thought was right and wrong. And it seemed that they thought she was wrong a lot of the time. It was a generation thing, and often unsolvable. They say you can be closer to friends than you can with families. Perhaps it is because we don't abuse our friends or do our best not to, and maybe because we think we can get away with it with our family. If families took responsibility and each of them realised they don't always get things right, we could have more harmony and happiness.

I recently reached a good age of sixty. I don't feel any older than thirty five, but emotionally I have grown and things don't bother me the way they used to. Mellowing perhaps, or just realising that I can make myself happy. Some really good friends said some really nice things about me that I will treasure forever. It is nice if we can make a difference to others and make them happy. Finding all the good stuff in others without looking for bad stuff. Why not set your default on happiness and be nice to as many people as you can. It makes the world a different place you know.